The Gradual Increase of Lust
A fourteen year old girl recently wrote to Dear Abby asking what she should do about a sixteen year old boy that wanted to date her, but her parents objected.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 14-year-old girl, and for almost three months I have been e-mailing a 16-year-old boy I’ll call Derek. Derek tells me how much he likes me and how much he would love to date me. I feel the same way, but when I talked to my parents about it, they did not approve.
The reason is Derek’s sexual past. He was having sex in his last relationship, which lasted a little over a year. My parents are concerned that he will expect that from me.
I explained to Derek that if we were to date, I would not go that far. He respected that and promised that he would never force me to do anything I wasn’t comfortable with. I explained this to my parents, but they still don’t trust him.
What can I do to show them I’m trustworthy enough to date an older guy and I can make good decisions for myself? – NOT A CHILD IN CASCADE, MONT.
Abby did a pretty good job stating that it wasn’t their daughter that they did not trust, but the sixteen year old. She also encouraged the girl to trust her parents, which would earn trust in return.
I think that both of them hit on an important phrase in this young girl’s statement– that Derek would not do anything that the girl was not comfortable with. This shows that the girl is not aware of the principal of the gradual increase of lust.
You see, whatever it is, be it money, sex or some other thing that we want, what we get is never enough. Just ask the millionaire if he has enough money. As the junkie on drugs if he has enough.
My father taught me this principle early on in the form of a progression. If you don’t want to end up doing something that you know to be wrong, don’t do the thing that leads to it. In the case of sex, if you don’t want to be comfortable with that advance, don’t get comfortable making physical contact, being alone with the person, and doing things that would lend themselves to give you opportunities to find yourself in a situation where you could make the wrong decision.
We must learn to see the warning signs on the roads before we choose to walk down them. We must decide ahead of time what we will do so that we’re not caught up in the heat of the moment. Decisions made in those kinds of circumstances are usually the wrong ones!
Discount Perfumes
Comments from MInTheGap
Deborah said,
Wrote on March 16, 2007 @ 11:10 am
I’ve talked to my two oldest daughters a lot about a ‘time and season for everything’. That when you’re in school, that is your focus…your education. When you’re in college, that is your focus, so on and so on. I’ve also tried to impress upon them that marriage is for adults…don’t be dating if you’re not ready to be married and that sex is for marriage only, don’t be having sex if you’re not married. Yes, I know ‘things’ do happen and hormones are running high during the teen years and we’ve prayed a lot about that. So far, by the mercy and grace of God we’ve had no problems.
But, I also started this WAY before their teen years…probably around nine…ten, like I’m doing with my third daughter now. This has to become a habit, the trust HAS to be built before they reach those teen years. I’ve talked EXTREMELY openly with them about the issues of today…drugs, premarital sex, how to dress long before they were interested. The training starts early. I think if you can obtain a close-knit family, one where people respect and love one another and trust one another, generally children will come back to that when ‘push comes to shove’, ie: boys pressuring for sex or peers offering drugs, etc.
Stephen Kingston said,
Wrote on March 16, 2007 @ 12:28 pm Subscribed
The 16 year old’s response is certainly revealing by what he does not say. He does not say that he has learned that casual sex is bad for a relationship. He does not say that he believes it to be wrong to have sex outside of marriage. It is not syrprising the girl’s parents were not impressed!
Leticia said,
Wrote on March 16, 2007 @ 3:34 pm Subscribed
At their ages these kids feel they are mature enough to handle a relationship. I know that when I was that age I thougt my mom’s beliefs and talks were archaic and backward. I was always saying to her, “Mom, this is the 80’s, not the 50’s.” Well, I just gave away my age! lol!
It is so difficult for parents in this day and age with MTV, VH1 and the Hollywood mainsream promoting sex and telling kids it’s “okay.” When they never bring out the truth about STD’s, pregnancy and the emotional pain these kids will endure.
Marriage is the only way to go.
Colleen said,
Wrote on March 17, 2007 @ 12:33 am Subscribed
Great post and comments. I think the parents did the right thing in not letting the daughter date this guy. I know at this age and working with college students there is a certain expectation among the students of what’s really happening behind closed doors. And I totally agree with SK’s comments about what the 16 year was NOT saying!
Weekend Kindness » Teach Her Humility said,
Wrote on October 3, 2008 @ 6:22 am Subscribed
[...] or self-indulgence, as their chief goal will find it empty. They will always be after more, as lust gradually increases. They will need more stimulation to get the same hit, and be willing to chase happiness and find [...]
They Just Can’t Be Understood « Is This Modest? said,
Wrote on March 5, 2009 @ 1:04 am Subscribed
[...] The Gradual Increase of Lust [...]
David Parsons said,
Wrote on January 24, 2010 @ 11:27 pm
Definitely and interesting view. I will have to keep this one in mind. Thanks for the post.
David Parsons´s last blog ..Growing and Getting Taller Naturally
chris said,
Wrote on February 1, 2010 @ 7:09 am
you guys are all so nyeve if you really think your teens are telling you the truth about their sexual history. theyre going to do whatever they want, so you just need to accept that unless you wanna stick your head in the sand like 90% of parents today