MInTheGap

Standing in the Gap in a Society that's Warring with God.

Still the Best Way to Raise Kids

December 21st, 2006 Visited 3940 times, 1 so far today

Our society is attempting to glorify and normalize lifestyles that only 20 or 30 years ago would have been stigmatized or labeled abhorrent. The attack on the best way to raise a family is multi-faceted:

  • Same-Sex Marriage
  • Cohabitation
  • Single Motherhood

Each of these is damaging in its own way. Statistically, a married family that stays together produces the best opportunities for their children to succeed. So, why aren’t we promoting postponing childbearing (and the cause of it) until marriage? Because we’re afraid of being judgmental.

Past research indicates that the bulk of unwed births are to young women, typically in their 20s, who are not college-educated and are not prospering. There’s also a mountain of evidence to suggest that children raised by such single mothers are at an increased risk for virtually every social problem you can think of–poverty, crime, drug use, etc.–including single parenthood. (WSJ)

The problem is, we have elevated to the highest degree not being judgmental when the cold hard facts are that we are condemning the single mother to a life of poverty– not as fulfilling or glamorous as some of the more modern Hollywood examples.

You see, children do require a lot from you. They give a lot in return. Dear Abby was asked to come up with a list for those looking at parenthood:

ARE YOU READY FOR PARENTHOOD?

(1) Can you support the child financially? Children are expensive. I always urge people to complete their education and delay parenthood until they are self-supporting, in case they should find themselves in the role of sole provider.

(2) Can you support the child emotionally? Babies are cute, but they are also completely helpless and emotionally needy. While some young women say they want a baby so they’ll have someone to love them, the reality is it’s the parent’s responsibility to love and sacrifice for the child. In plain English, this means the end of a normal teenage social life because babies are extremely time-consuming.

(3) Are you prepared to be a consistent parent? Children learn by example — both good and bad. Are you prepared to be a role model for the behaviors you want your child to mimic? Because mimic they do. They learn more from what they observe than what they’re told.

(4) Have you read up on child development? Are your expectations of what a child should be able to accomplish as he or she reaches various chronological milestones realistic? Ditto for your partner, whether or not he or she is the child’s biological parent.

(5) Are you prepared to put someone else’s needs before your own for the next 18 to 21 years? Remember, babies can’t be returned to the manufacturer for a refund if you’re not 100 percent satisfied. Sometimes they come with serious challenges. Can you cope with those realities?

If the answer to any of these questions is no, I strongly advise postponing parenthood.

Now, I don’t agree totally with Abby, but I think she makes good arguments here against being a single parent. Girls and women need to think about the fact that their actions have consequences– getting in bed with a guy because you like him and think you are in love is wrong on multiple levels, but when you add another life to the mix it just makes it all the harder.

Obviously, I’m not supporting adoption– I’m supporting abstinence. Ladies, you have no business being in bed (or anywhere else) with a man without a ring on your finger, vows stated, and a commitment in your heart. You owe it to yourself, your family, and your children to not put you all at a disadvantage for a “night of fun.”

Should you find yourself in this situation– take heart! There are people to help: family, friends, and churches. They will be there and help you through the tough times– though it’s better never to get into them in the first place.

Comments

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  • ann_in_grace says on: December 21, 2006 at 9:17 am

     

    Those “modern” life styles’ advocates trumpet a lot about their rights. They forget though about the rights of the children and how this kind of living will affect them.
    Slightly different angle, still the same pain:
    My Father Was an Anonymous Sperm Donor.

    read this and see what a child thinks about it. It is not a plasant read. It is a heart-breaking story of somebody who feels betrayed…
    Good old traditional values are not something to be dismantled.

  • ann_in_grace says on: December 21, 2006 at 2:41 pm

     

    Meg, You write:
    “Through two simple things, marriage, and a child!”

    None of these two is close to simple 😉
    I share Your experience, though. My life is divided into ‘before’ – and ‘after’ the children. So I have had two lives already 🙂
    BTW- today is my youngest’s 4th birthday. Brings back some very sweet moments…

  • Mrs. Meg Logan says on: December 21, 2006 at 2:37 pm

     

    *sigh*

    Even though I was married and committed when we received our first child, I still wasn’t “ready”. I didn’t know the first thing about what it meant to “lay down your life” for someone. BOY, that was a learning experience!

    Praise the Lord He saw me through, and in His infinite wisdom caused me to grow in ways I never thought possible. Through two simple things, marriage, and a child!

    Children are a heritage from the Lord. And when we have them, is a blessing, even if you are unwed. (God opens and closes the womb, and He KNEW that baby would be put in that home!) But I agree that we need to remain abstinent, out of obedience to His word. There are many downsides to :playing the field”. Just ask me I can tell you! It sure makes marriage harder. Praise the Lord it is all forgiven!

    Mrs. Meg Logan

  • Michael says on: December 22, 2006 at 5:25 pm

     

    Have you noticed how it seems no TV Show or Movie nowadays is without a homosexual?

    The same can be said for more television glorifying single motherhood, divorce, etc, etc.

    Modern Society is being brainwashed, plain and simple. 🙁

  • ann_in_grace says on: December 22, 2006 at 6:13 pm

     

    What film gets Oscars? Brokeback Mountain. What parties in Sweden have any chance of getting votes? Friendly towards tolerance. What do I as a teacher have to support? Tolerance for all views and ideologies.
    Who is loudest while demonstrating their rights? The gay community. Yes, they are a community now, strong and influential, demanding God to bless them in churches, demanding society to give them adoption rights, demanding Bible to be put aside because it is ‘hateful’ towards them.
    You are right, Michael, sadly so.
    Here in Sweden the order of family building is following:
    having children -> getting engaged -> possibly getting married.
    Not many reach this final step. Quite a number never gets to the engagement part.

MInTheGap

Standing in the Gap in a Society that's Warring with God.

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