MInTheGap

Standing in the Gap in a Society that's Warring with God.

So What’s There to Talk About?

July 9th, 2014 Viewed 1809 times
737353: The Complete Husband
The Complete Husband
By Lou Priolo

In this chapter, the author stars out with a personal account of a moving incident in his life where a music minister made the following comment to him:

If we Christians are in any business at all, it’s the communication business.

And he’s right.  Whether it’s preaching the gospel, teaching others to make disciples or admonishing a brother we’re communicating.  In fact, Priolo stats that there are over forty communication commands in the New Testament epistles!

The point that he’s trying to make is that we have to be communicating with one another if we’re going to be able to experience the level of intimacy that is called for in marriage.  The degree to which we are willing to reveal ourselves to each other will have a direct impact on how close we can get to one another.  That’s why the questions that he had us guys ask our wives in the last section cut so close to the heart.  We have to be willing to be vulnerable if we want to learn our wife’s heart.

So, practically, this means that we, as husbands, need to be talking to our wives.  If you need a handful of suggestions about what to talk about, he provides a few:

  1. Bible Doctrine – Does your wife feel comfortable talking with you about what the Bible says?  Asking you questions?
  2. Your home – It’s the “base of operations” for your wife’s ministry.  “The condition and appearance of your home is probably more important to her than you realize.”
  3. The children – Dad, your the manager in the home, and you’re the one ultimately responsible.  You should be talking about your children.
  4. Your job – Since she’s your helper she may be able to help you better if she knows what’s gone on during your day– no matter how much you don’t want to talk about it.
  5. Her family (your in-laws) – There have been many Biblical conflicts that had inlaws at the center of them.  You need to have Biblical conversations about her family and their influence.
  6. Her friends – Do you care about who she chooses as friends?  They can influence her for good or evil.  You have an outside view in, you should be giving her the benefit of your perspective.
  7. Her ministries (inside and outside of the home) – “Life is a ministry.”  Are you encouraging her to minister outside the home?  Are you helping her discover her gifts for service?
  8. Her goals for the future – Personal goals, goals of mutual interest, and other goals she has should be exciting for us as well.
  9. Specific ways you can be a better husband and father – Again with the humility.  But then again, she is a helper, and has a perspective that we don’t.  “When was the last time you asked you wife for her evaluation of how you’re doing in these areas?”
  10. Things you do which bother her – This topic is guaranteed to provide you hours of interesting discussion.

Whew– and that’s only to get your started!


By now you know, the link is to where you can pick up the book. This post is all mine.

11 Questions to Ask Your Wife

July 8th, 2014 Viewed 1746 times, 1 so far today
737353: The Complete Husband
The Complete Husband
By Lou Priolo

The best way to get to know your wife is to talk to her.  But instead of asking her about the weather, try instead to ask her things that build your relationship– intimate questions.

In the second chapter (entitled Back to School for the Rest of My Life!) of our book, the author suggests 11 questions that we can ask our wives to get to know them better.  Warning, these are not for the faint of heart:

  1. If you could change three things about me that would make me more Christ-like, what would you change?
  2. Do I have any other annoying mannerisms or irritating idiosyncrasies that you would like to see me change?
  3. How does it make you feel when I… (name something that you know displeases her)?
  4. What goes through your mind when I… (name something that you know displeases her)?
  5. What do you want from me that I’m not giving you at the moment I… (name something that you know displeases her)?
  6. What specifically would you like to see me do to change in this area (name something that you know displeases her)?
  7. On a scale from one to ten, how would you rate our marriage?
  8. What would it take to make our marriage a ten?
  9. What is your opinion about?
  10. What personal goals do you have for your life?  How may I help you achieve them?
  11. Do you have any needs or desires that you believe I ought to be meeting or fulfilling better than I do?  What are they?

He then goes on to tell us to add further questions of our own.

One thing’s for sure, if you start with these questions I’m sure your wife will say some interesting things!


The link above is an affiliate link. I get a portion of the proceeds if you choose to purchase it (though the price does not change). I was not paid to write this post.

I Wish She Came With an Owners Manual

July 6th, 2014 Viewed 1407 times
737353: The Complete Husband
The Complete Husband
By Lou Priolo

Guys, let’s face it. There are some times that you wish she came with an owner’s manual. Something that would tell you all kinds of things about her:

  • Proper care and maintenance.
  • How to read her emotional meters.
  • Ways to make her run at optimal efficiency.
  • What to do when something goes wrong.

The truth is, she does come with a manual, it just needs to be extracted and written down:

The reason that you’ve never seen it is because it’s tucked away in her heart. Deep down in her heart is all the personal information you need to understand and nurture your wife according to the Bible.

Why I Would Never Be On Wife Swap

September 19th, 2012 Viewed 1845 times

Cherry Blossom Couple HeaderI’m sure that if you haven’t ever watched a show then you’ve at least heard of the concept.  Two couples—usually from wildly different backgrounds—offer to have their wives trade places for the week.  Usually it entails the wife living under the host family’s rules for a day or so, followed by the guest implementing new rules for a day or so, then a big meet up where everyone talks about what they have learned about.

Polygamy and Divorce

July 29th, 2009 Viewed 2270 times, 1 so far today

wedding day header

It’s not a new concept.  It’s stated in the book of Genesis that it didn’t take long from the point of creation for the first man to decide that he wanted to take to himself two wives.  Shortly after that we have a situation where the patriarchs of the Israelite people had multiple wives and children from them.

The Arab people believe that they can marry up to 4 women, and that their system or marrying multiple women is superior to our culture that has men and women marrying and divorcing multiple times—also called “serial monogamy.”

Support Your Wife

May 14th, 2008 Viewed 1828 times, 1 so far today

wedding colection A new reader wrote to me via Meebo and asked a question.  I was not online at the time, so there was no way for me to respond, but here is the text:

I came across your website tonight after listening to a radio program today. I am a Christian and a member of a Baptist Church. I am aware in Eph. where it says “Husband’s love your wife as Christ loves the Church.” And women, submit yourselves unto your husbands” What I want to know is…. Does the Bible say that it’s the responsibility to support the wife? In a program I heard today on the radio, the Pastor said that a husband should make provisions for his wife (financially) for after his death, or he was not right with the Lord. He also said, that women who for whatever reason have become divorced, their children have a responsibility to provide for their mother. I am asking this question because my husband and I greatly differ on this subject. We have been married for many years, but were briefly divorced and remarried to each other. He is firm minded on NOT leaving me his investments upon his death. He is willing to leave me his life insurance which is now only $60,000 and lessens by $5,000 each [I assume there was more to the message, but here is where it ended.]

All in the Family

March 14th, 2008 Viewed 5527 times

newly weds header

We have come a long way in America.  Especially when it comes to equality, and yet I’m not sure if all of the advances that we have made have been positive.

For one thing, the family as a unit is in shambles.  Marriage has been devalued to the point that people are asking “why get married” and believing that there’s no value to the vows, a public commitment or to even living a life until death.

To judge just how far we’ve come, take a look at this picture:

Godly Wife: Have You Cut the Cord?

April 17th, 2007 Viewed 7474 times

There’s a really good reason that God said what He did in Genesis 2:23-24.

And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.  Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

Because the two had become one, it was important for the new unit to leave the previous parent/child relationship in order to strengthen the bond with the new husband/wife relationship.

No doubt we’ve all heard our share of mother-in-law jokes.  The reason that these abound, however, is that we all know interfering parents– not our parents or in-laws, just others.  The fact of the matter is, our parents have a long relationship with us, one that is build over a long period of time.  They know very little about our spouse.  Therefore, they will tend to side with their own child and against the new spouse if asked to choose sides.

The question is, Godly Wife, do you give your parents the opportunity to criticize your husband?  Do you point out his weak points to them, or are you united with him?  They say, in politics, that the arguments between parties end at the borders (though that doesn’t seem to be the case as much now).  Does any disagreement you have with your husband find its way out of your house and to your parents?

Who do you go to for advice or information?  Does your parents know more about how you’re feeling or thinking than your spouse?  Is he kept in the loop?

Issues of marriage are best kept between husband, wife and the Lord.  I’m not saying that if there’s a sin issue there that you shouldn’t seek counseling from a pastor or parent, but what I am saying is that you need to make sure that your husband is the person that you look to for love and direction, not your mom and dad.

Question Idea taken from Questions for a Godly Wife

Godly Wife: Do You Dominate Your Husband?

April 10th, 2007 Viewed 25269 times, 1 so far today

I find it interesting to note what happened in the Garden of Eden after man had sinned.  You see, each of the people there involved (if you call the serpent a person) was punished in a given area.

  • To the Serpent: Crawl on your belly, eat dust, bite the heel of the Seed of the Woman, but have its head crushed.
  • To Adam: The ground would be cursed, and he would die.
  • To Eve: Pain in child birth and the husband would rule over her.

That God put this in place at this point in time says to me that this was not the case in the Garden.  I think we gain a further insight into the Garden relationship by looking at how Eve got Adam to sin– something Adam knew he shouldn’t do.

We could get into the fascinating discussion of why Adam ate, but the point was that Eve and Adam had an equal relationship– something that wouldn’t be possible with a sin nature.  So, God did what needed to be done– He selected someone to be the leader of the couple, and did so by His divine will.

The problem is, sin likes to promote self.  In the case of Eve and every woman after her, it is not in human nature to be pleased with having someone over us, and for “no apparent reason.”  If you add up human nature and the current state of feminism you see that rather than being homes that are set up as God ordained in Genesis, we have homes that are set up the exact opposite, with women dominating their husbands or exacting concessions out of him for they very benefit of being in the wife’s presence or bed.

Since we know from the Word of God that women have a weakness for domination, are you as a wife on guard that you do not dominate your husband?  This is something that requires a lot of work and attention for it’s easy to fall into the trap.

I would lump in here the propensity to equate your husband with one of the children– someone that you can order around and treat diminutively simply because you’re better at manipulation, emotions, or whatever it is that you know about him and how to push his buttons.

God commands wives to be above that.  That’s why He said that if you’re married to an unsaved spouse you don’t win him by forcing, belittling, or shaming him into going to church– you do it with a Christlike testimony and a meek and humble spirit.  Win them with kindness and you’re doing what God wants for you!

Question Idea taken from Questions for a Godly Wife

Godly Wife: Are You Keeping Your Wedding Vows?

April 3rd, 2007 Viewed 8500 times

Ouch!  What a tough question!  What were your vows to your husband?

I can remember some time ago I was at a family gathering and we were watching the video tape of a wedding ceremony in front of a judge (justice of the peace) for a cousin of mine that had a baby out of wedlock.  It came time for the vows, and the husband-to-be (now ex) made a joke that the judge should make sure to have “obey” in the vows for her, not him.  I share this illustration to say that we as a society do not hold marriage vows like God does.

Remember back to your day– the day that you came down the aisle dressed in white.  That day when something happened at the wedding you’ll never forget– and it wasn’t saying “I do” to your sweetheart but it could have been anything from the wedding party that wasn’t in the reception to “Help Me” written on the soles of your shoes.

In any case, you said certain things before God and some gathered witnesses.  You may have said things like “love, honor, cherish” or “for better or worse, richer or poorer, sickness and in health” or things of that nature.  Do you realize the gravity of those vows before God?

Check out these verses on the topic:

When thou vowest a vow unto God, defer not to pay it; for he hath no pleasure in fools: pay that which thou hast vowed.  Better is it that thou shouldest not vow, than that thou shouldest vow and not pay. – Ecclesiastes 5:4-5

Numbers 30:2ff has even more to say, but I think that you get the point.  Your vow before God means something to God.  It means that if you are not fulfilling your vow, you are in sin.

Like a lot of the things in the Christian life, if we’re not going forward in Christ, then we are falling away from Him– so is this command to uphold your vows.  If you’ve been failing in this area (or if you fail) then you need to seek repentance and get it right with God and your husband.

Question Idea taken from Questions for a Godly Wife

MInTheGap

Standing in the Gap in a Society that's Warring with God.