MInTheGap

Standing in the Gap in a Society that's Warring with God.

11 Questions to Ask Your Wife

July 8th, 2014 Viewed 1455 times
737353: The Complete Husband
The Complete Husband
By Lou Priolo

The best way to get to know your wife is to talk to her.  But instead of asking her about the weather, try instead to ask her things that build your relationship– intimate questions.

In the second chapter (entitled Back to School for the Rest of My Life!) of our book, the author suggests 11 questions that we can ask our wives to get to know them better.  Warning, these are not for the faint of heart:

  1. If you could change three things about me that would make me more Christ-like, what would you change?
  2. Do I have any other annoying mannerisms or irritating idiosyncrasies that you would like to see me change?
  3. How does it make you feel when I… (name something that you know displeases her)?
  4. What goes through your mind when I… (name something that you know displeases her)?
  5. What do you want from me that I’m not giving you at the moment I… (name something that you know displeases her)?
  6. What specifically would you like to see me do to change in this area (name something that you know displeases her)?
  7. On a scale from one to ten, how would you rate our marriage?
  8. What would it take to make our marriage a ten?
  9. What is your opinion about?
  10. What personal goals do you have for your life?  How may I help you achieve them?
  11. Do you have any needs or desires that you believe I ought to be meeting or fulfilling better than I do?  What are they?

He then goes on to tell us to add further questions of our own.

One thing’s for sure, if you start with these questions I’m sure your wife will say some interesting things!


The link above is an affiliate link. I get a portion of the proceeds if you choose to purchase it (though the price does not change). I was not paid to write this post.

A Woman’s Roles

July 7th, 2014 Viewed 1018 times
737353: The Complete Husband
The Complete Husband
By Lou Priolo

In order for husbands to know their wives better, they need to know both about women in general and their woman (you) in particular.  You see, ladies, sometimes your very patterns of behavior totally confuse a man, especially when he thinks he has you figured out.

Like take an average trip to Wal*Mart.  I was sent to go pick up the yogurt for the week.  Knowing that Virtuous Blonde has mentioned in the past that she likes Key Lime Pie Yogurt, I pick up a bunch– thinking that I’ve gotten her favorite kind to eat.

After getting home and eating them for a few days, I begin to wonder why she’s eating the yogurt I picked out for myself, since there are still more Key Line Pie Yogurts in the refrigerator.  It turns out that she really doesn’t like those any more– but unlike my computer that notifies me that an update is available, she didn’t tell me.

Back to roles, since it’s important for Husbands and Wives to know their Biblical roles, Lou Priolo has a chart, which I will condense here:

Woman’s Role / Responsibility Scripture Reference
To be a suitable helper Genesis 2:18
To be submissive to her husband Ephesians 5:22
To glorify her husband 1 Corinthians 11:7-9
To reverence her husband Ephesians 5:33
To adorn herself with a meek and quiet spirit 1 Peter 3:3-4
To be pure and respectful in her conduct 1 Peter 3:2
To be wise and kind in word (and heart) Proverbs 31:26
An Older Woman is:

  • To be reverent in behavior
  • To not be enslaved to wine
  • To not be a malicious gossip
  • To teach what is good
  • To teach younger women
Titus 2:3-4
A younger woman is:

  • To be loving to her husband and children
  • To be discreet
  • To be pure
  • To be a keeper of the home
  • To be kind
  • To be subject to her husband
Titus 2:5

He then goes on to list a woman’s makeup:

Characterological Make-up Scripture Reference
She was made out of man 1 Corinthians 11:8
She was made for man 1 Corinthians 11:9
She was made after man 1 Timothy 2:13
She has a penchant to control her husband Genesis 3:16
She is more easily deceived 1 Timothy 2:14
She is to view herself as a bodily member and her husband as her head Ephesians 5:23

Whew, there’s a lot in the Scripture about you ladies!


The link above is an affiliate link and will take you to where you can purchase the book. I received no compensation for this post, the thoughts are all mine, except when quoted from the book as noted in the post.

Godly Husband: Do You Nourish and Cherish Your Wife?

April 19th, 2007 Viewed 13757 times, 2 so far today

olderhusbandandwifeheader.jpgOne of the final commands to the husbands in Ephesians 5 contains two words:

For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: – Eph 5:29

These two words are seldom linked to things that men are typically used to doing. Nourishing has the idea of feeding– and we tend to look at this as something that wives and mothers do. Cherishing just seems foreign to us, so what do these words mean in the context of marriage, and what are we to do?

Nourish means “to bring to maturity.”

Maturity comes through a variety of ways. One way is through the humbling of oneself and putting another first. By the very fact that we are our wife’s husband we have introduced someone into her life that she has to reach beyond to love and care for. Are we making this easy for her or difficult?

Another way to bring to maturity is through instruction and experience. Things happen in our lives that we can either have plans for or we can consider a crisis. How we plan and lead our families shows our wives how to handle things in a godly fashion. Are we demonstrating a mature life to our wife?

Maturity also comes through instruction. By being faithful in the Word and sharing with our wife those things that we learn, we are able to grow her in the knowledge of the Word. Are we giving her opportunities to grow?

Cherish means “To soften with heat.”

Cherishing is something that every woman wants and desires, and is different for every woman. Your wife wants special attention. They want to be recognized. They want to know that they are special to you. Are you reminding them of that?

But going beyond that, do you make a special time to communicate with your wife? The problem with most men is that they have the attitude that they have a list of things to get done and taking time for talking, cuddling, etc. isn’t on their list unless it somehow leads to “the main event.”

What are you planning to do today to cherish your wife?

Question Idea taken from From Dreadlock to Wedlock

Godly Wife: Have You Cut the Cord?

April 17th, 2007 Viewed 7125 times, 2 so far today

There’s a really good reason that God said what He did in Genesis 2:23-24.

And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.  Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

Because the two had become one, it was important for the new unit to leave the previous parent/child relationship in order to strengthen the bond with the new husband/wife relationship.

No doubt we’ve all heard our share of mother-in-law jokes.  The reason that these abound, however, is that we all know interfering parents– not our parents or in-laws, just others.  The fact of the matter is, our parents have a long relationship with us, one that is build over a long period of time.  They know very little about our spouse.  Therefore, they will tend to side with their own child and against the new spouse if asked to choose sides.

The question is, Godly Wife, do you give your parents the opportunity to criticize your husband?  Do you point out his weak points to them, or are you united with him?  They say, in politics, that the arguments between parties end at the borders (though that doesn’t seem to be the case as much now).  Does any disagreement you have with your husband find its way out of your house and to your parents?

Who do you go to for advice or information?  Does your parents know more about how you’re feeling or thinking than your spouse?  Is he kept in the loop?

Issues of marriage are best kept between husband, wife and the Lord.  I’m not saying that if there’s a sin issue there that you shouldn’t seek counseling from a pastor or parent, but what I am saying is that you need to make sure that your husband is the person that you look to for love and direction, not your mom and dad.

Question Idea taken from Questions for a Godly Wife

Godly Wife: How Do You Receive Correction?

January 10th, 2007 Viewed 7044 times, 1 so far today

No one that I know of likes to receive correction.  Some people are better than others at knowing what to do with it.  As children of God, we’re supposed to be on the lookout for a brother/sister that has stumbled and be able to help them out of it.

Wouldn’t it be a whole lot easier if everyone received what we had to say gracefully?  Sure.  Of all people, who should we be most open to receiving correction from?  Our spouse.

You see, the Bible says “Rebuke a wise man, and he will love thee.” (Proverbs 9:8b)  So the question to you, Godly Wife, is how do you receive correction? 

Godly Husband: You Must be a Lover

December 16th, 2006 Viewed 6974 times

This is actually more difficult than it sounds. When a guy thinks about love, I think that we generally center our thoughts around the feelings associated with love rather than what love truly is.

Ephesians 5:25 reads:

Godly Wife: Is He Your Master?

November 21st, 2006 Viewed 10539 times, 1 so far today

I told you this would be hard. In I Peter 3:5-6 Peter commends Sarah as being a holy woman by saying that she obeyed Abraham by calling him lord.

We’ve come a long way from this. It used to be that part of the vows that a wife took were to obey her husband. Now it’s a joke that they do not. Whether it’s feminism or just the fact that we have been trained to think of the partners as equals, this statement and the idea of there being a division and hierarchy in the family is gradually being replaced, even in Christian circles, by equality and emphasis on the women.

Here are the musings of ckhnat on this issue:

Sarah called Abraham “lord” (sometimes translated “master”). Should wives today follow Sarah’s example in calling their husbands “lord”? What does this title mean to a woman? For Sarah, it was a sign of her submission. To comply to her husband’s wishes, to please her mate, to encourage him, to yield to his preferences–some modern women might be willing to sign their names on the dotted line to the above. However, to call him “lord”?

Now, I’m not suggesting that husbands should force their wives to not address them by their first names, to call them only “master” or “lord”, but what I do think is appropriate for discussion here is what her saying the term meant and how it should be applied today.

Obviously the term connotes submission– to the Lord and to her lord. It showed what was stated in Genesis about the woman’s desire being toward the man was there. It was part of what was necessary after the fall, and for families to function.

Ladies, if you lump your husband in with your children as far as telling him what to do and when to do it– you’re not treating him with the respect God told you to have for him. You need to respect him, love him, build him up. He can be the person you expect him to be, but he doesn’t get that way by being belittled.

If you want your man to be a man, he can get that way by being encouraged when he makes decisions, by knowing that you stand with him, by hearing that you trust him, and by following his lead– regardless if you know better, and without hearing “I told you so.”

To Love His Wife

October 9th, 2006 Viewed 3922 times

How much do you love your wife?

Husbands, love [your] wives, and be not bitter against them.- Colossians 3:19

Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife [see] that she reverence [her] husband. – Ephesians 5:33

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; – Ephesians 5:25

I put these verses in the order I did for a reason.  Looking at the first one, this would probably be the easiest command to follow– not to be bitter with our wives.  This is probably something that a lot of husbands struggle with, though.  It’s easy, in close quarters, to allow something to fester– something that’s probably trivial.  If we’re not practicing Biblical forgiveness and we’re keeping a record of wrongs, we can easily become bitter.  This is at the root, I believe, with the upsurge of divorces we are seeing among those that call themselves Christians.

But Paul doesn’t leave it there, he takes it up a notch.  We are to love our wives as ourselves.  Few of us would not care what we looked like or want to look like a snob while we’re out and about, and yet do we take the time to make sure that our wives look as radiant as they can?  Do we provide for that?  Do we take the time to see that they are properly nourished physically, emotionally and spiritually?  Do we allow for the outlets that we have and enjoy?

In a home where the man works and the woman is with the children, the man gets a chance for adult conversation.  He has the ability to get out of the house.  Do we provide that for our wives, or expect them to be content with the same thing every day?  Would we be content with that?

If Paul left it there, it would be a tall order, but he takes it further.  We are not only to love our wives as ourselves, but we are to love her as Christ loved the church.  He died a cruel death for the church.  What we we do out of love for our wives?  I can hear it now: “I get her flowers every once in a while.”

If we’re honest, I don’t think that we show our love or allow ourselves to love our wives in the kind of love that’s self sacrificing to the point of preferring someone over ourselves.  Certainly we have times where we do this, and I believe that we would all rather take a bullet from a robber than have the wife or kids take it, but what do our every day actions say about how we feel about them– for what we think and do determine how we feel about someone.

Men, we need to realize that we have a responsibility to love our wives self-sacrificially and that means putting her first, looking out for her best interest.  This is above the children, above our parents, and above ourselves.  If we would do this, I believe we would have a stronger relationship and a stronger family for God.

Provoking To Good Works

October 6th, 2006 Viewed 3431 times

It is easy to get frustrated with our children when they are not obeying, or when they are missing something that’s right in front of them.  How we respond, however, can make the difference between having a child prone to wrath and having a child with a loving spirit.

And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. – Ephesians 6:4

Fathers, provoke not your children [to anger], lest they be discouraged. – Colossians 3:21

I feel that Paul directed this at the dads because I believe we’re the biggest culprits in flying off the handle when children do not do what we say.  I think that we’re used to getting our way, or are less selfless than our wives (who should already be in submission to us (which should give us greater appreciation of where they are!)).

MInTheGap

Standing in the Gap in a Society that's Warring with God.