MInTheGap

Standing in the Gap in a Society that's Warring with God.

101 Ways To Show Love To Your Wife

April 10th, 2015 Viewed 1450 times

It is harder, I believe, to pin down exactly what you can do to love a wife simply because love takes so many different forms and is very different per individual.  Respect is something that there is general agreement between men, with some minor discrepancies here and there, but showing love can certainly differ.  So, while I humbly submit this list, I do so with the disclaimer that “your mileage may vary,” meaning it will be different depending on the woman.  There are no guarantees and batteries are never included.

So What’s There to Talk About?

July 9th, 2014 Viewed 1830 times
737353: The Complete Husband
The Complete Husband
By Lou Priolo

In this chapter, the author stars out with a personal account of a moving incident in his life where a music minister made the following comment to him:

If we Christians are in any business at all, it’s the communication business.

And he’s right.  Whether it’s preaching the gospel, teaching others to make disciples or admonishing a brother we’re communicating.  In fact, Priolo stats that there are over forty communication commands in the New Testament epistles!

The point that he’s trying to make is that we have to be communicating with one another if we’re going to be able to experience the level of intimacy that is called for in marriage.  The degree to which we are willing to reveal ourselves to each other will have a direct impact on how close we can get to one another.  That’s why the questions that he had us guys ask our wives in the last section cut so close to the heart.  We have to be willing to be vulnerable if we want to learn our wife’s heart.

So, practically, this means that we, as husbands, need to be talking to our wives.  If you need a handful of suggestions about what to talk about, he provides a few:

  1. Bible Doctrine – Does your wife feel comfortable talking with you about what the Bible says?  Asking you questions?
  2. Your home – It’s the “base of operations” for your wife’s ministry.  “The condition and appearance of your home is probably more important to her than you realize.”
  3. The children – Dad, your the manager in the home, and you’re the one ultimately responsible.  You should be talking about your children.
  4. Your job – Since she’s your helper she may be able to help you better if she knows what’s gone on during your day– no matter how much you don’t want to talk about it.
  5. Her family (your in-laws) – There have been many Biblical conflicts that had inlaws at the center of them.  You need to have Biblical conversations about her family and their influence.
  6. Her friends – Do you care about who she chooses as friends?  They can influence her for good or evil.  You have an outside view in, you should be giving her the benefit of your perspective.
  7. Her ministries (inside and outside of the home) – “Life is a ministry.”  Are you encouraging her to minister outside the home?  Are you helping her discover her gifts for service?
  8. Her goals for the future – Personal goals, goals of mutual interest, and other goals she has should be exciting for us as well.
  9. Specific ways you can be a better husband and father – Again with the humility.  But then again, she is a helper, and has a perspective that we don’t.  “When was the last time you asked you wife for her evaluation of how you’re doing in these areas?”
  10. Things you do which bother her – This topic is guaranteed to provide you hours of interesting discussion.

Whew– and that’s only to get your started!


By now you know, the link is to where you can pick up the book. This post is all mine.

11 Questions to Ask Your Wife

July 8th, 2014 Viewed 1772 times
737353: The Complete Husband
The Complete Husband
By Lou Priolo

The best way to get to know your wife is to talk to her.  But instead of asking her about the weather, try instead to ask her things that build your relationship– intimate questions.

In the second chapter (entitled Back to School for the Rest of My Life!) of our book, the author suggests 11 questions that we can ask our wives to get to know them better.  Warning, these are not for the faint of heart:

  1. If you could change three things about me that would make me more Christ-like, what would you change?
  2. Do I have any other annoying mannerisms or irritating idiosyncrasies that you would like to see me change?
  3. How does it make you feel when I… (name something that you know displeases her)?
  4. What goes through your mind when I… (name something that you know displeases her)?
  5. What do you want from me that I’m not giving you at the moment I… (name something that you know displeases her)?
  6. What specifically would you like to see me do to change in this area (name something that you know displeases her)?
  7. On a scale from one to ten, how would you rate our marriage?
  8. What would it take to make our marriage a ten?
  9. What is your opinion about?
  10. What personal goals do you have for your life?  How may I help you achieve them?
  11. Do you have any needs or desires that you believe I ought to be meeting or fulfilling better than I do?  What are they?

He then goes on to tell us to add further questions of our own.

One thing’s for sure, if you start with these questions I’m sure your wife will say some interesting things!


The link above is an affiliate link. I get a portion of the proceeds if you choose to purchase it (though the price does not change). I was not paid to write this post.

Godly Husband: Are You Precise?

March 29th, 2007 Viewed 3350 times

olderhusbandandwifeheader.jpgTo me, there’s nothing that is more frustrating than trying to communicate with someone and not using the same terminology or where things have different meanings.  Precision in our communication is important if we are to communicate our needs, wants, and thoughts.

Since you and your wife are two different people with two different ways of looking at things, it is important (if you are going to minister her fully as a leader and a Christian brother) if you communicate precisely with her.

Taking care with precision is much more difficult than one may expect.  Men typically deal with two main groups of people: Those at work and those in the home.  This being the case, there are two sets of vocabulary and things that each group does not know or does not know the context of.

If we don’t pay attention to being precise, we may have the possibility of becoming agitated that our wives don’t understand all that we’ve been through, or what we are saying.  In reality this is our own fault!

There are two main reasons I can see why we need to be precise:

  1. To promote harmony, communication, and prevent aggravation
  2. To be able to communicate our needs to our wives as our helpers.

So, men, it’s up to us to navigate our different “worlds” and communicate to her in love.

Question Idea taken from From Dreadlock to Wedlock

Biblical Communication

July 4th, 2004 Viewed 2694 times

I’m sharing this in a sermon I’m giving tomorrow and thought I’d post it up here as well.  Here’s the 5 C’s of Christian Communication as given by Dr. Gregory Mazak at BJU in the class Counseling Techniques:

Be Correct

  1. Speak Out
  2. Speak the Truth
  3. Speak the Truth Lovingly

Be Current

  1. It is not always sinful to be angry
  2. It is sinful not to solve problems daily
  3. Failing to keep current gives the Devil an opportunity

Be Constructive

  1. Don’t use “unwholesome” words
  2. Speak only edifying words

Be Controlled

  1. Exercise Self Control.  Don’t allow the situation to control you
  2. Put off unbiblical reactions: bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, slander, malice

Be Compassionate

  1. Make the decision to act in a Christlike fashion
  2. Don’t allow yourself to react to the unbiblical actions of others.
  3. Put on biblical actions and attitudes: kind, tender-hearted, forgiving

MInTheGap

Standing in the Gap in a Society that's Warring with God.