Top 10 Modesty Issues for Men
Min’s been so serious lately, I thought I would drag thoughts in a little more light-hearted direction. So with tongue fully in cheek, I present the
Top 10 Modesty Issues for Men
- No Speedos. ‘Nuff said.
- Except for professional athletes, No Spandex!
- Midriff baring t-shirts were only acceptable for 80′s male aerobics instructors.
- Visible tattoos are fine for ex-military personnel. Only.
- Earrings are great – as a gift for your wife.
- If your hair is over twelve inches long, you had better have a Nazarite vow ongoing.
- Jeans with holes are perfectly acceptable up to a maximum of three holes.
- If you ride a Harley or a horse, leather pants/chaps are in, otherwise they are just plain out.
- Wearing nylons is only acceptable during the commission of a bank robbery. (Not that we advocate such.)
- Pants were meant to be worn with belts (or suspenders if you are a circus clown).
Feel free to add any issues I may have overlooked in the comments.
Help Me! I Don’t Have a Choice!
A day after it came out that Presidential candidate and former New York City mayor Rudy Giuliani reiterated that he backs government funding for abortions for poor people, we set out to find just what kind of people need this kind of protection. It was in a small town in the midwest that we found Miss Jolene Reddish (not her real name). She grew up in a poor home with twelve siblings, and claims that she is voting for Mayor Giuliani because she cannot help but have sexual relations.
“I have no choice about when and whether I can have unprotected sexual relations– I have to have it. And unlike the rich people up the street, I can’t afford to have an abortion when I get pregnant.” Miss Reddish talks about her inability to control herself and the strange circumstances that surround her compulsion. “I’ve had to have my sisters keep me locked up for days at a time. I can’t bear being around my brothers. My parents are ashamed, but I really have no choice, right? I mean, I’m just a descendant from a monkey. I have no choice but to have unprotected sex!”
“I can’t seem to help myself,” said Jolene Reddish. “No matter what I do, I have to have sex at least once a day or I will die!”
Obviously, the pro-life crowd will be against government payment for abortions for their stated belief that this would amount to government funding of baby killing, but leading pro-choice supporters back the Mayor and his plan.
“It seems unfair to me that the government will not provide for these people who have no choice,” Valarie Newman of Concerned Ladies of America. “Since these women obviously have no choice about whether they will be pregnant since they have to have sex– unprotected sex at that– the government must provide, through Medicare or some other mechanism, the ability to exercise their choice to have an abortion.”
Unfortunately, other than Miss Reddish we were unable to locate anyone else with her condition, making us wonder just how important the funding is at this time, given the small constituency that cannot either remain abstinent or use some method of birth control to prevent fertilization or pregnancy.
Cure for STD’s is Not Abstinence
Hi there, I’m Marissa Jaret Winokur. I learned about a year ago that HPV, a common virus, causes cervical cancer. Now there is an HPV test that might have caught my precancerous cells earlier.
You see, I had a few too many sexual partners– well, probably only one too many– and I contracted a disease that resulted in doctors performing a surgery on me so that I can no longer have children. Not to worry, though, I can harvest my remaining eggs and find a surrogate.
I’m here today because People Magazine wanted me to give a word of advice to teens and young women so that they don’t have to have the same procedure done on them.
No, don’t worry, I’m not going to tell you to abstain from sex. I mean, who can do that? No, I’m here to tell you that there’s a vaccine, which can be given to women before they’re sexually active. It makes sense to take these precautions.
So, remember what I’ve said. It makes sense to take these precautions. I’ll encourage my friends’ teenage daughters to get vaccinated as well, so you can tell I’m serious!
So take a tip from me, Marissa, go out and get your shot today! Oh. Well, it will only protect you from HPV, and even that isn’t in all cases. The only 100% way of remaining free of the cancer and not having to end up like I did would be to remain abstinent and only have one sexual partner– but who can do that?
( Note: words in italics taken from Marissa Jaret Winokur via Jill Stanek’s post “Don’t Stop, get the shot” )
Five More Ways To Keep Your Church From Growing
JillBeth over at The Broken Cup had Five Ways to Keep your Church from Growing, to which I wish to add five more.
6. Make sure that you don’t spend any time on keeping up your church, after all, we all have things to do and we’re only in the building once a week. Someone else will go to the church workday, right?
7. Have the children’s ministries for Sunday School scattered all around the premises. Parents like playing hide-and-seek and so they’ll love not knowing where there children are.
8. Sing only songs that your visitors have never heard of and that are modern. After all, it’s all about the people that are there, isn’t it?
9. Never follow up and call someone that visits– after all, if they liked the service, they’ll be back.
10. Never pray for an increase. God knows your needs and will supply, so just sit back and do the same thing every week and don’t ask.
5 Reasons to Not Leave a Comment on a Blog
Last week, Mary looked at 5 ways to keep your blogging buddies happy. Some of the comments and discussion that surrounded this topic was fasicnating. I’ll be looking forward to adding some more work around areas of this place to make it more interesting to be here.
The one thing that I think deserves highlighting is that blogs are as much a social medium as an informational one. On more than one occasion I’ve learned something new through the comments that I have read to a post that I’ve written. I’ve also benefited from the discussion surrounding more controversial topics that I’ve covered. I think that blogging and comments let you say what you’re thinking and feeling and get reaction in ways that forums and other media do not allow.
Read the rest of this page »
2007 to be the Coldest Year Yet!
You heard it here first! 2007 is going to be the coldest year yet. I know, the Scientists have come out to say exactly the opposite, but when next December comes around and we’ve had a balmy summer or more snow than you can imagine in December, I’ll have to remind you about this post!
What never ceases to amuse me is how we seem to think we can predict the future. Read the rest of this page »
A Modest Proposal for the 21st Century
Being a pregnant mother in the 21st century can be a difficult thing, especially if you are a single mom. As statistics have borne out, children born to unwed parents have a high rate of failure. Since this is the case, and that those who are born to unwed parents have less of a chance of success, we are told that it is incumbent upon us to allow a woman to decide to terminate the life in her womb for reasons such as poor timing, insufficient funds, etc.
I would propose that the choices should be broadened so that said woman (especially the poor woman) would be able to avail herself of the excess tissue that she wishes to part with. After all, since it is not life, it never was human, and it did not have any rights, it is only logical that it may be a commodity that should be leveraged for what it can make a mother rather than just discarded.
I hereby propose that the tissue that would have been the mother’s child, be presented to the mother upon the abortion for her use as she sees fit. She should be encouraged to sell the tissue for scientific experimentation, skin grafts, and perhaps even a rare delicacy. Since it is not human, and never was alive, it should considered just like any other product– after all, we value fish eggs, and the rest, so why not “products of conception.” It’s not a baby, right?
We should be leveraging the discarded masses of tissue for whatever means necessary. Obviously, if mothers became breeders, they could easily get pregnant to harvest these kinds of materials for research or meals as long as she were fertile. It would allow the common woman to be able to rise out of poverty as well as explore her sexual liberty. We should encourage even those women with children that they could have more conceptions for the purpose of selling them– and could set up a category on eBay for the purpose of selling or trading in young body parts.
With this new found source, there would be no more need for human cloning and we would have an endless supply of stem cells. We could cure all disease, and encourage those unwed moms to donate their tissue masses to science for a tax deduction.
The other profound benefit to our country would be population control. No longer would you have to worry about the size of the population of the earth becoming unsustainable– for we could remove the problem and reward mothers for doing such. I know that we encourage them to take control of their lives and not to let potential life in the womb make their decisions– but now we could give them a way to make money off their mistakes and give them a better life.
So, who’s with me? We need to get this started right away as I’m sure there are scientific advances right around the corner and I can’t wait to taste what elegant dishes some will come up with.
(Hat Tip, Jonathan Swift)
