When I got married to my lovely wife, Virtuous Blonde, back in 2001 I had all four grandparents at the wedding.  Today, I only have one grandparent left—my maternal grandfather.

I have yet to lose someone in my immediate family to death, and yet, by reading this book I can better empathize with those that have lost a loved one.

I believe that the part of this book that struck me the most enlightening was the idea that we mourn because of change—as humans we don’t like change even though we are in an ever changing world.  We don’t like the finality, and being forced to come to terms with the fact that our life has changed and will continue to change and go on without the person that was once an integral part of our life.

White argues that we must go through grief with hope in order to be able not to be engulfed in despair.  We cannot put off dealing with grief, and it is a process.

He concludes with some very practical advice about some of the pitfalls that will come in the following months and years—how to prepare for that first anniversary, holiday, etc.

Overall, I believe this is a great book and would recommend it to anyone who knows someone who is going through the grieving process—either as a gift, or as an aid as you try to comfort them through the process.

The author then states that Jesus is like the first dancer shown in the video, and that we are all to be followers, and the first person that stands up is a follower.

With that in mind, I was pretty excited about the book, believing that it would be a lot about how the leadership style of worship is backwards and we really should be followers.  Unfortunately, what I kept expecting and looking for never really materialized.

It always seemed, as I read the book, as if right around the corner I was going to get some kind of illustration of exactly how a church that wanted to practice a followership mentality would be arranged.  I guess I wanted a blueprint, and what I found instead was a whole lot of quotes from everyone from Gandhi to Mother Theresa.

Don’t get me wrong, the main thrust of the book I’m totally in tune with.  I can see, in myself, where I have desired to have a clear hierarchical format in my church so that I knew who reported to whom, such that I had forgotten that he who wishes to lead should be a servant.  But I didn’t need a whole book for that.

I think that perhaps part of this escapes me because I’m not deep enough into contemporary mega-churches and their conferences.  Much of what’s written here alludes to these conferences, and perhaps the missing puzzle piece.  I wish that the author would have spent more time illustrating what “followership” would look like as compared to “leadership” and less time building his case.

For that reason, I’m not sure that I can recommend this one as it’s full of a lot of nice sounding titles but after reading them I’m left wondering “what am I missing” rather than being inspired to do something—anything!

I received a copy of this book for free from BookSneeze on condition of a review.  The review is entirely my own.

In the meantime, feel free to read and comment and kick the tires.

When you look at the girl that you married, does she look blurry to you?  Those beautiful blue eyes, are they sharp and clear to you?  Perhaps it’s not that you just woke up and maybe you need a new pair of glasses.

Valentine’s Day is a great time of year to pick up a pair of glasses—give the gift of vision.  Believe it or not, it’s much more affordable than you could ever believe!

Right now you can pick up $6.95 prescription eyeglasses from Zenni Optical, can you imagine that?  How much did your last set of glasses cost?  I’m betting, before insurance, it was over $100.

What could you do with an extra set of eyeglasses?  Could you have a set in your car?  Leave a set at work as well as at your home?  I find that this is the most annoying aspect of wearing glasses for those of us that are short sighted is remembering to bring your glasses when you don’t have to wear them.  Having another set would be a lifesaver in these circumstances.

What’s neat is that with so many different frames that you could choose from as well as such a low price, you could have a different set for every holiday as well as have a pair for every day of the week!

So what are you waiting for?  Go over and check out the amazing selection at Zenni Optical—you will not be disappointed.

One of the things that struck me while reading For Men Only was that it takes a very different perspective on the married life dynamic than much of what can be found on the topic elsewhere.  It’s no secret that I read a lot of Vox Day, and he subscribes to the whole evolutionary psychology dynamic of male and female relationships.  For Men Only takes a wholly different approach.

What Is Your Background?

However, this is but a microcosm of a bigger situation/problem.  Anyone who is familiar with the Creation/Evolution debates will quickly understand that it’s not so much a matter of facts that are in dispute, but the interpretation of the facts.  Each worldview starts with its set of ideals (whether it’s God did it or natural processes did it) and from there sets about to explain the facts presented to it—twisting where it’s difficult.

Once you’ve decided on a worldview, it tends to color everything you read and how you analyze everything.  For example, I was reading an article just the other day in the New York Times where it was talking about the time period between childhood and adolescence and how it’s a “silent time” and yet it’s actually the time when the child’s mind awakens to figuring out who it is.  It could have been an interesting article, except instead of sticking to the facts it was chocked full of evolutionary guesses about why kids may be what they are at certain phases.

When you begin with a certain starting point, it’s hard to see any other point or any other way to perceive things.  From there, you just reinforce your bias and it can get to the place where you refuse to admit that your worldview has weaknesses and strengths—just like the other worldview.

How Does This Translate To Men and Women?

Many of the evolutionary psychologists refer to something called the “rationalization hamster”—the female brain doing something that the male brain cannot understand.  They talk about destabilizing said hamster, or getting it “spinning” by attempting to get it to judge you as a higher “sex rank”, creating attraction and keeping the woman attracted to you.

Behind all of this is the evolutionary logic that a man’s sole purpose is to have as much sex as possible with as many women as possible to keep his genetic strain in check, and that women’s sole purpose is to mate with the most attractive male to have the babies with the best chance of survival, and then she’ll settle down with a provider.  So, the logic goes, if you can convince the woman to be attracted to you and then provide for her, you have the best of both worlds.

However, after reading For Men Only, you see a different perspective on the whole situation.  Part of what you find there is that women are always wondering if they are loved.  It’s something that they constantly deal with.  Couple that with the emotions that they have and that they multitask in such a way that things can come up to them that they cannot block out, you find that women are constantly wanting to know if this is love or just you saying that it is.

In what seems entirely logical when you think about it, a woman will often test the man that she loves in what seems like irrational ways.  Jeff uses the example of the modern Parent Trap movie, where after the husband and wife make up the husband asks the wife why she left, and the woman responds by saying that she figured that he’d follow after her.

How is that logical?  Because if the woman tells the man to follow, then she’s just blown the test.

Yes, evolutionary psychologists recognize the test, but they see it as a chance to show off how manly they are.  They purposefully trade in the woman’s insecurities in order to show off their dominance.

To me, manipulation on either part is wrong if all you seek is what is best for you.  Marriage is a partnership, not a constant attempt to one-up the other person.

Conclusion

So you see, you should not always be sucked into a particular mindset simply because it’s the first that you’ve read.  While it may have valid points, the truth may lie elsewhere.

Is This Modest is running the last giveaway of a modest skirt for this year. This is a quick giveaway.  You have until the New Year, Jan 1 at midnight, to get in on this all you have to do is to use the RaffleCopter giveaway form below—leave a comment, Tweet, Follow, etc.

But be quick about it, because you don’t have much time!

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One has to admire the ambitiousness of this book, what with the number of relationship books on the market and with what this one claims to do—allow men to peer inside the minds of their wives and unlock the mystery of why women often act in irrational ways and how to live with your wife in such a way that you both are complete.

For the most part, I found what Jeff had to say very interesting, and I will detail some specific things I’ve learned in future posts.  One thing to keep in mind with survey based books is that the author will tend to make conclusions based on the majority response—but that doesn’t always mean that your wife will react the way that these women did.  The odds are high, but I found a couple times where I am pretty confident that my wife would be outside the norm.

That being said, understanding basic needs and feelings is helpful, and the most eye-opening piece of information is that women often test without giving away the answer because having you get the right answer without them telling you is a sign of your love.  Very interesting indeed.

The conversational tone of the book is very easy to read, and it’s relatively short considering the information provided.  My copy came with a handy reference guide at the beginning that reminds you of the six key concepts—what they are and how you should respond to them.

I would highly recommend this book to any married man, or man planning on getting married, and I’m planning on getting this book for some friends in my life!  Seriously, ladies—get it for your husband, and guys, don’t be afraid of this book.

I received a copy of this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review.  The review is all mine.

Does the Eyeglasses Grinch got you down?  Wish that you could get a pair of glasses that could reflect the season?

I know what you’re thinking.  You’re thinking, “Those last glasses I bought were over a hundred dollars!  Why would I buy some that I could only wear during the Christmas season?

What if I told you that you could have holiday themed eyeglasses for as little as $15.95?  Would I have your attention?

These pair of cheap eyeglasses are festive and $15.95!  But perhaps overtly red and green isn’t your style?  Perhaps you want something more subdued?  Well, that’s not a problem either.

These glasses are also available, and are my daughter’s favorite!  So whether you like flashy or you like something not so shiny, you can have a pair of glasses that celebrates the season as well as you regular pair.  Choose the right kind, and you could wear them all winter long.

What about a gift?  While I admit that it might be hard to get the prescription for a distant relative, it might be a neat idea to pick up a pair of glasses for your wife or child because you might have easier access to their prescription.  Then, you could get them a pair of glasses that looks like they cost a lot more than they did—and get them that tablet they have their eyes on!

You don’t have to go festive—you could always get a “normal” style for the reduced price, and they would have an extra set for the car or work.  It’s a great idea for a gift!

Christmas is a magical time.  For children (and some adults) the highlight is in getting a gift from someone that is something you want that you haven’t purchased beforehand.

Each year, as my siblings and I have pretty much grown up and left the house, we have been drawing names for each other.  In the process, we’ve been trying to get some Savings—by getting gift cards to use towards after Christmas sales and making sure that it’s something that the person wants to receive.  No one likes to get something only to have to pretend they like it.  Or have we missed the point?

The Three Types of Christmas

This past Sunday my pastor spoke a message on the Three Types of Christmas:

1. The Commercial Christmas
2. The Cultural Christmas
3. The Christian Christmas

His point is that while Christians can participate in all three of these types of Christmases, our focus needs to be on the third type—that Jesus came and died for us.

I’ve been really taken by this song from the group “Go Fish”—not that I think that all of their music is the best, but there are ones that they really hit you hard, and this is one:

Why Do You Give Gifts?

To me, it all boils down to the question of why we give gifts.  If the whole point was some kind of extortion or money transfer at this time of year, they why not just send you cash?

To me, this seems to flip giving on its head.  I mean, if the whole point was only giving someone what they wanted, why is it “more blessed to give then receive”?  Why do we teach our kids to be grateful for whatever they get, and yet adults can tell other adults “just get me exactly what I want, or give me (basically) cash so I can get what I want”?

To me, we give gifts to remember the Gift that was given.  Jesus obviously wasn’t the gift that the Israelites wanted.  They wanted a Messiah to free them from Rome, not one to die for their sins.

What Did You Do?

So, I made a mess of Christmas this year.  I told people to do whatever they wanted—give gifts, make gifts, or don’t do anything at all.  “No obligations Christmas” I called it.  Did I still make a wish list?  Sure.  But I’m not really pushing anything and I’m much more excited to see how the people react to the things that we’re giving than I am about anything I might get.

So, this Christmas—go out and buy what you can afford, think of others, and show God’s love.  Practice a “No Obligations Christmas,” and see if that makes a difference.

Ascent from Darkness follows the life story of the author, Michael Leehan, through his own eyes.  This first person narrative sounds authentic in its style, and makes you marvel at the depths a man can sink to.  It also challenges you to take a look at those around you and to examine just what is behind them, animating and motivating them.

This book will challenge what you think about the satanic world around you and motivate you to consider what Leehan found—the power of the Gospel.

The book starts out detailing Leehan’s life before his plunge into Satanism.  Though his near death experiences and the fact that two idols he had on his bed couldn’t answer his prayers, Leehan decides that God doesn’t care.  He decides that he’d be better off with Satan, and begins to plunge head-first.

There’s real power from the dark side.

Power over Concentration

Leehan describes that he is able to concentrate and see details like never before.  Much like someone taking adderall or some other focus drug, Leehan often engages in the Satanic for his power over his surroundings.  He becomes addicted to the power/control and continues to enact sacrifices and other rituals (of which he must attempt greater and greater feats) to get the same high.

Power over Women

One thing that keeps being mentioned is that he is able to convince and “bed” multiple women.  He can talk his way through their defenses, and only one does he actually try to form a stable relationship with.  He preys on those that are divorced or unhappy in marriage, and claims that Satan and the dark side gives him his edge.

Power over Believers

Leehan studies the Bible and attends Bible Studies and churches for the express purpose of using the knowledge to frustrate and confuse the congregations.  Though he will not attend the praise and worship times, he relishes the opportunities to impress and confound with his knowledge and ability to twist texts.

He does reach a turning point, however, when the dark side requires that he kill a popular Pastor.  He finds that he cannot do it, and though the dark side decides he must give his own life for not completing his mission (which he prepares for), in the end he finds victory over the dark side.

Final Thoughts

It’s a fascinating book that will have you turning pages to find out what happens next.  It works well because it’s a true story.  If it were fiction, you’d expect some more embellishment and suspense, so it takes you off guard in that aspect.

Be ready to be amazed at what is going on around you that probably aren’t aware existed, and hopefully you’ll have eyes opened to the unseen battle taking place for men’s souls.

I received this e-book free from BookSneeze on condition of a review.  The review is entirely my own.