Gotta stand with MIN on this one. I also don’t think that there is such a thing as a “sham marriage”. The Lord says in Malachi, that “from the beginning He created them male and female. Causing them to be one flesh, for the purpose of a godly seed.” Whether the family is in the Truth, and recognizes that they have become one flesh or not is irrelevant. Truth is True whether you know it, (believe or understand it) or not.

Mrs.Meg Logan

You see, I could argue that the spouse that was withholding was in violation because they weren’t showing love either. Love sometimes means doing something that we don’t want to do– putting someone else above ourselves.

That’s what I see missing, and that’s probably why I can’t say that a spouse that forces another is raping them. Because at that point in time neither are displaying love. Now, the ultimate solution is not forcing ourselves on one another, but seeking help.

What I’m also nervous of in allowing the rape word to be used in the context of marriage is this: That we’re empowering one person in the couple to say that they have control of when the couple will engage in sexual relations. Odds are the guy is not going to have a problem with it, and he is married. Once you start using a charged word, such as rape, applied to marriage you start down a path saying that the man is not entitled to sex with his wife– it’s something that she has to allow and is in complete control. In essence “your body is mine, and I still have control over my body.” Since this is anti-Biblical and contrary to marriage vows I have to stand against it.

Since the contract is unconditional on both parties, both parties are expected to provide services regardless of what the other party may or may not have done. Now, the law of love would say (as you indicated) that one person would not demand “services rendered” when it’s not appropriate because they love the other person.

However, this does not change the right to the service.

An example I think is more appropriate is a contract that I would enter with ACME Website enterprises which entitles me to unlimited access to their website at any time in which the site is up and functioning. Now, ACME could send me an e-mail saying that during a certain period some functionality would be disabled, bad data could be displayed, and it could damage their systems. They instruct me not to access the site during that time. However, my contract says that I may access it at any time the site is up.

Am I wrong to access the site? It’s not the best for me or ACME. And yet, I have a legal contract that guarantees me service.

Even the sham marriages have a legal contract (the marriage license) that guarantees “service”, and therefore I do not think that use of the rights granted by the contract can be equated to rape, which in essences is the absence of right to physical intimacy.

The wife or husband has, through their marriage vows, said that their partner has the right to sex with them; therefore (I believe), without the removal of that right it falls within the person’s right to have sex.

BUT! I don’t believe that mistreating a wife or husband by forcing sex on them is a good thing to do. I don’t think that forcing shows love. I agree that marriages should never be abusive. I firmly stand behind a wife/husband seeking help from a pastor or whomever to try to confront the husband/wife about what they are doing; however, I don’t think it’s actionable in the court of law, or is rape.

Does that at least make my position understandable if not something you agree with?

I don’t think that was very clear, so let me extrapolate. Do you believe murder should be punished? Do you still believe murder should be punished even though God told us not to do it and it shouldn’t even exist? The same applies to rape within marriage. God tells us to become one flesh in marriage and therefore rape should not be possible, but people disobey God and do not become one flesh. In which case one side or the other can be raped.

I hope that made sense

As far as husband and wife, I have to stand by my previous statement. Yes, sex has been used as a tool in the wrong way, but it’s also been withheld as a way to manipulate and control. Both of these are wrong, sinful even, but I’m not sure that a married couple having sex when the wife says no is rape.