MInTheGap

Standing in the Gap in a Society that's Warring with God.

Godly Husband: Using Your Perspective

January 11th, 2007 Visited 3726 times, 2 so far today
This entry is part 7 of 17 in the series Godly Husband

olderhusbandandwifeheader.jpgOne of the most difficult things for a lady to do is to be inside of a man’s mind– and saying this, I’m sure I’ll get the women out there to agree that they don’t really want to see everything there. In the case of how a woman’s form effects a man, I think that women know the extremes, but not necessarily where the line is. Sometimes what separates something acceptable for a Godly woman to wear can differ on how tight, how low, or how much skin is shown– and because there are no hard and fast rules, it’s up to you as the husband and father to pay attention to what the women in your house are wearing.

If you’re looking for specifics on what to wear, ladies, you’ve come to the wrong place. The best set of rules I came across for lady like apparel was at college, and a lot of those rules were more practical than Biblical. Dresses must touch the knee, must wear stockings at all times, no pants unless you’re doing some physical activity– that kind of thing. However, you have a great detector for what men think about in your home.

You see, men, she knows what she is trying to do with her clothing– and there is the first battle. If you have a young lady or wife that is trying to get sexual attention, that is one thing. That woman needs to be corrected and instructed in Biblical precepts. However, in this current culture and desire to at least look modern, some women can come across entirely different than they want to. But you know exactly what they have put on is saying.

There are three different challenges, men, in helping our wives and daughters determine the modesty of their clothing:

  1. Training them not to buy things that are immodest so you don’t have to deal with having something in your house and what to do with it.
  2. Catching something that, while modest, is worn in at an immodest or inappropriate time.
  3. Knowing when that article of clothing you like seeing your wife in is not appropriate for daily wear– is she going to be seen by children or others in a way that is “for your eyes only?”

Not easy things in the slightest– but we need to be engaged. The earlier the better. We need to be helping our wives be good role models of clothing to our daughters. We need to keep our daughters pure in their outward appearance. We need to help our sons to see what a godly woman looks like. Not an easy thing, but a necessary thing.

Series Navigation<< Godly Husband: Do You Do Too Much?Godly Husband: What Do You Care Most About? >>

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  • ann_in_grace says on: January 11, 2007 at 8:06 pm

     

    I basically agree. All the knowledge about the sinful nature, etc. But…
    there is this very slight, very tiny notion of a woman being “more” sinful than a man, and therefore prone to failure UNLESS he shows her the right manner. And, we know well, that he is sinful, too.
    Because the way this is heading reminds me of body covers in another religion. And I do not want to go there.

    “Dresses must touch the knee, must wear stockings at all times, no pants unless you’re doing some physical activity– that kind of thing.”

    This is a thin line between Christian freedom and legalism. As soon as we talk about “practicalities”, we bend this line. And we generalize, thus doing unjustice to those who, even seeing a knee (or two), can survive.
    I am rambling here, or maybe this is my woman nature in me, or maybe just the longing for beauty, but the way many women dress (myself included), has nothing to do with provoking other men. So to assume that about all women is just not right.

  • MInTheGap says on: January 11, 2007 at 10:04 pm

     

    I’m sorry if I came across as implying that women don’t know how to dress. What I am saying is that a man’s responsibility is to provide that guidance to the woman in his life because she may be dressing in a way that sends different messages unawares. I am saying that since a man is effected sexually by what he sees more than a woman is, and he is the man of the house it is his duty to keep things modest– not that the woman is more sinful.

    As far as the specific things I stated and you quoted, I believe I said that they were from my college and more practical, than Biblical– meaning they did not want to have to take out a ruler to measure if a skirt were two inches above the knee– they figured everyone knew what a knee was, and therefore they chose not to see it.

  • Bethanie says on: January 12, 2007 at 12:27 pm

     

    I try not to go clothes shopping without my husband. For two reasons. One, I’m not always a good judge of whats appropriate and Two, I’m not always a good judge of a good buy. I would never want to buy something that he would be embarrased to see me in and I wouldn’t want to buy something that is too expensive-there for being a bad steward of his money.

  • MInTheGap says on: January 12, 2007 at 12:58 pm

     

    And then there’s the whole– am I dressing to please my spouse, or someone else. I think that’s something you’re eluding to, Bethanie. You’re right– as husband and wife we are to continue to seek to please our spouse. Some people stop right after the vows are said!

  • Bethanie says on: January 12, 2007 at 1:23 pm

     

    Yes. I try to ignore the current fashion trends because I don’t want to go into a store and pick out something just because I think it might go with what the world says I should be wearing right now. My husband is the one that is looking at me, and I don’t want it to be all about trying to attract attention from others because I look “in”.

  • MInTheGap says on: January 12, 2007 at 2:10 pm

     

    There is certainly an interesting line between looking your best and looking like the world. I wouldn’t advocate a lady dressing overly dour, but I certainly don’t want her dressing in the latest fashions!

    It’s up to both of you to pick things and styles that glorify the right things– as it appears you are doing!

  • Mary says on: January 12, 2007 at 4:09 pm

     

    My dad was just saying the same thing this morning at our Bible study, perhaps he’s been reading here? :O) He said by nature men are more lascivious and women more ascetic, thus fathers should have an active role in dressing their wives and children. Women just don’t see things “sexually” and as a result sometimes are blind to the effect of their dress on others. My mom spoke up and said she’s known plenty of ascetic men and lascivious women. But as a rule, the men do tend to be wired more that way.

    Dad mentioned that he can spot the lascivious ones in a heartbeat. They aren’t afraid to make eye contact, they tend to flirt, and their hugs are face on rather than sideways. Not that that’s a catch-all, but it makes one think. I know I never make eye contact with men I don’t know in passing, say at the store. I don’t go out of my way to catch their eye. I’m playful with my male family members (dad, brothers, cousins) but not with men at church.

    What you’re saying really makes sense. I have room to grow in this area (if it means wearing skirts only) yet, I’m more on the modest page than my dh, if that makes any sense. Maybe it’s because I’ve never given him cause to comment on how I or our girls dress.

    Also, I had a college age girl stop in for a visit a while back, one who’s been trained well in modesty but still wears modest jeans and slacks. We were wearing the same pink collared shirt from Penney’s and I joked about it…and she mentioned that at her Dad’s college (he’s president at a Christian college) the girls’ rule of thumb on necklines is that they not go two finger widths below the collarbone. I like that!

  • MInTheGap says on: January 12, 2007 at 5:09 pm

     

    I know there’s some rule at BJU about how far down a shirt can go– or for formal attire– and the rule that you said rings a bell.

  • Jana says on: January 13, 2007 at 11:56 am

     

    I’m interested in your comment about bare feet…any reason? Just curious? I usually wear nice sandals in the summer and hadn’t given that second thought…

  • Mary says on: January 13, 2007 at 3:52 pm

     

    I’m interested also. I know some of the more strappy/backless high heeled ones seem too “sexy” for lack of a better word…

    I also wear sandals in the summer…

  • MInTheGap says on: January 15, 2007 at 10:07 am

     

    Did I comment about bare feet? Can you refresh my memory?

    Do I think that bare feet are bad? My pastor would say “only if you’re going to be riding a bicycle.” Personally, I don’t know of many people that have a problem with bare feet or sandals.

    However, I have read that one of the most sexy things a woman can wear are high heels. But it’s not because what they do for the feet, it’s what they do for the legs. I still don’t know many people that look at feet– though I’m sure they’re out there– but I don’t think sandals cause a lot of men to stumble.

  • Jana says on: January 15, 2007 at 10:21 am

     

    QUOTE: “must wear stockings at all times”
    I guess this is what I was reading that made me wonder about the bare feet…
    High heeled sandals, nope. Not practical for chasing toddlers, gardening, or riding horse. But slip ons work well. And I think look okay with long skirts. 🙂

  • ann_in_grace says on: January 15, 2007 at 10:24 am

     

    On the light side – I am a cowboy-boot girl 🙂
    Are these OK? 😉

  • MInTheGap says on: January 15, 2007 at 11:09 am

     

    Ahh, I get it. I don’t know they whys of the whole stocking thing at my college. They do effect the legs– or women wouldn’t wear them– but I guess I personally don’t have an issue there. I think part of what the university is trying to do is train men and women in wearing professional attire– that might be where that comes from.

  • Mary says on: January 15, 2007 at 3:54 pm

     

    No, Ann, they’re not okay, unless you’re a real life cowgirl. Are you a wanna be? :O)

    Thanks, MIn, that stocking part was what I was referring to also. I think though, that the bare skin of an ankle and leg would be more provocative than the same covered in hose.

  • MInTheGap says on: January 15, 2007 at 4:04 pm

     

    I guess that depends on the guy. I did have a friend in college say that he liked his girlfriend because she had great ankles and I don’t think I ever understood that.

  • ann_in_grace says on: January 15, 2007 at 4:54 pm

     

    Mary LOL
    No cows here nearby, but my ankles are not pretty, so I hide them this way 🙂

MInTheGap

Standing in the Gap in a Society that's Warring with God.

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