There does have to be some kind of structure, though, that says “in the end, this is how we will go.”

The thing is, its not my place to judge whether he is supposedly “wrong” or not.

Since when did being a christian woman mean that you can have no opinion or mind of your own? Relationships function well out of respect and love for one another, not out of whether the wife is doing the best job submitting, or the if the husband is doing the best job of leading. Neither will ever be doing that perfectly.

Honest, open, kind communication is never wrong. The Bible does not teach that there cannot be disagreements between a husband and wife. The key is how those disagreements are handled.

I believe a Christian wife should seek first and foremost godly counsel from someone she trusts and respects. It goes without saying that she should pray that God show her what to do. If, as you say, she knows she is in danger (perhaps her husband has threatened her, or thrown things at her…come close but not actually caused physical damage) then I think she and her children should seek somewhere safe to stay.

However, I think many men have anger issues unrelated to alcohol that make them just as dangerous and a woman can’t know when to expect an outburst, so is she to live in fear and trembling? At some point she has to trust God and work at her marriage. And hope for the best till she can’t anymore. Divorce isn’t an option, except for adultery, for the Christian. Separation is okay, but hopefully reconciliation would always be the future goal.

One of the women I mentioned ended up getting a divorce after years of alcoholic emotional abuse, but she’d also found out her dh had been adulterous for years so for her, that was her way out. The other woman’s husband gave it up. He’s been sober for over a decade now and they have a great marriage.

God never wants us to tolerate someone who is sinning– but for us to confront sin with love, to pray for those that use us, etc. I can understand the logic of the pastor that you mention, but if that pastor didn’t go with that wife back to the house and confront that dad then the pastor was wrong.

I agree that we submit to our husbands–even when they’re wrong…but only if it’s not causing us to sin or to be hurt in some way. You and I, Bethanie, know that our husbands would never put us in harms way or ask us to sin…to submit to these men, at the most, means we have to swallow our arrogance and wall ourselves against bitterness. Sometimes it means doing something that we feel may be financially ill-advised, or that might hurt the feelings of our extended family. But once you’re married, your dh is your #1 priority. I appreciate that my hubby wants my input on family decisions, but still I often defer to him after sharing my thoughts.

Sowing seeds of love, weeding out the rest. It not only makes our husband’s life easier, it grows us more like Jesus. Submission is responding to hard things in a Christ-like way, because you’re wanting to be obedient to scripture and you know it’s for the greater good.

If someone is going to be harmed by submitting (to physical abuse, etc) that is a different subject entirely.

While this does not specificaly pertain to the topic at hand I always think of relationships like the one above. Should the wife follow the bible and yeild to the husband by letting him rape her children or should she go against the bible and her husband’s leadership by leaving him.

Food for thought. You can’t allways trust a husband to make the right decisions or even make acceptably wrong ones.

Thanks for asking the question.