MInTheGap

Standing in the Gap in a Society that's Warring with God.

Do You Know What Boys Want?

October 4th, 2006 Visited 6700 times, 2 so far today

Across our nation we’re reaping the result of an over sexualized society. It has come to the point that girls, no longer content to wear terms like “juicy” on their bottom are now donning more “fashion” to draw attention to their sexuality and they justify it by the fact that it’s just for attention, they aren’t really like that:

“It gives me a little edge, but it’s just to get a rise out of people, because people know me,” said Allison Wynn, 17, a senior at Osbourn Park High School in Prince William County. “They’re just like in every ad you see in magazines, people wearing these clothes or they’re always making out. It’s how you want to be. My boyfriend thinks it’s funny.” She said she is fond of wearing a shirt that says, “Don’t Call Me a Cowgirl Until You See Me Ride.”

We have long passed the era where sex and sexuality was something that was private– something that was an intimate moment shared by husband and wife. We have even crossed over from it being something taboo in entertainment. It went straight from billboard to being something that is now cool to wear. It’s now fine, acceptable, and “in” to degrade oneself sexually.

The problem is worse than this because some parents actually don’t see a problem with these shirts:

Joanne Wynn said her daughter’s shirts are humorous. “If it’s not in good taste, I don’t let [her] wear it,” she said.

How Ms. Wynn can say that she doesn’t let her daughter wear a shirt that is not in good taste when she allows her daughter to wear “Don’t Call Me a Cowgirl Until You See Me Ride” is amazing. It highlights the disconnect between parents and today’s teens. In a sexualized society, it seems like everything has a sexual connotation.

When I was in highschool, a couple guys had fun taking every word from “it” to “thing” and putting a sexual connotation with it. In their society this is normal.

Is the fact that the shirts are popular the result of kids seeing them on television and the like? Probably. Is it the result of them thinking that sex is something to be made light of? Surely. Is it the fact that parents aren’t in tune with what’s going on, or are more permissive than they should be? Absolutely.

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  • Mrs. Meg Logan says on: October 4, 2006 at 1:38 pm

     

    Pretty freaky! But you are absolutely right about sexual connotations being in everything. It is even in kid’s movies, like Madgascar, and Shrek. I don’t like to show those movies because of that. I think that the subtle messages that we think go over kids heads, stop going over their heads long before we think, and they become “ok” because mom and dad let them watch it. Also, I think it desensitizes us to seeing it. The more we see this sort of sin, and the worse the degradation, the easier it is for us to say “Oh well it wasn’t that bad!” But maybe twenty years ago it would have been apalling, and certainly it is appalling even now to our Lord, Jesus Christ.

    MRs Meg Logan

  • MInTheGap says on: October 4, 2006 at 2:50 pm

     

    I went to see the first Shrek with my wife and was appauled at all that was in there. I refuse to let my kids see it and am shocked when I hear that others think this is a good movie. I think it could have been a good movie without all the trash.

    Madagascar doesn’t have as much– or at least that I could see– but I have picked up on more things as time has progressed. Now that you’ve reminded me of it, I may have to re-evaluate that one.

  • Mary says on: October 4, 2006 at 3:32 pm

     

    We’ve never seen Shrek, thankfully I’d read an online review of it and we knew better. Seems like so many childrens movies are filled with what they call adult humor. Ugh. My mom used to call it bathroom humor, it’s revolting.

    That’s one reason our family so appreciated Curious George. What a sweet movie. Even if there’s some ancient idol that the museum is trying to procure, everything else is so childlike and magical.

    As for the shirts, we ladies need to be honing our skills, cause I foretell the day when our grandkids won’t be able to find anything modest to wear except decade old hand-me-downs. Unless someone takes advantage of the lack and caters to the conservative crowd.

  • ann_in_grace says on: October 5, 2006 at 3:41 am

     

    Terrible forecast, Mary 🙂
    I have no talents for clothes-making.
    I went shopping yesterday, hoping to find some decent tops for myself. Nothing, unless one wants to reveal half of one’s breasts…
    Who is this stuff for, anyway?
    As a teacher I see it every day – girls half naked, showing bellies, underwear, being quite calm about it…
    And yes, Meg, you are absolutely right – sexual undertones are everywhere, soon it will be impossible to buy a toothpaste without sex in it…
    Evolutionists really want us to be animals only.

  • MInTheGap says on: October 5, 2006 at 7:58 am

     

    Ann– that’s certainly an interesting observation. I think that they use the concept that we’re all animals anyway to justify the fact that they can do whatever they wish. Hopefully this whole mess will sink and Mary will be wrong in her prediction.

    However, I’m always brought back to both Noah and Sodom where the Bible says that people did whatever was right in their eyes and Lot was willing to throw his girls out to homosexual men looking to have relations with the angels. It got really bad, and but for the grace of God we will be there again.

  • Mrs. Meg Logan says on: October 5, 2006 at 12:05 pm

     

    I am learning to sew for my family. I don’t find it terribly easy, especially since I have a hard time finishing projects that take more than one day. But I am Sure that God will help me out.

    Ann, that is a very good point, I never thought of it like that.

  • ann_in_grace says on: October 5, 2006 at 12:35 pm

     

    My mother did the sewing when I was a child. She was at home, we had little money, it was during the 1960’s and 1970’s in Poland – deep communism. Not much in the shops anyway.
    I can sew, though – I took some courses, I know theory. I just do not like it. And now, when one can buy cheap clothes, it just does not pay to do them by yourself. It will cost you more to buy the fabrics and everything else than to buy the ready-made clothes.
    And then there is this time factor, when you work full-time…
    I know what you think about that 🙂

    This is a dilemma…

  • MInTheGap says on: October 5, 2006 at 1:11 pm

     

    Vrituous Blonde has talked from time to time about wanting to sew or learning to sew, but she made the same comment about money that you did, Ann. She said that by the time you bought the material and spent the time you’d have overshot how much the bulk product costs by a lot– especially if you can find good deals.

  • Mrs. Meg Logan says on: October 5, 2006 at 1:15 pm

     

    It is true, the clothing that one makes generally costs more per item than what one could buy. Course the quality (if you take your time) is usually better, and certainly the fit is better (if you adjust the pattern or make your onw)

    Mrs Meg Logan

  • Mary says on: October 5, 2006 at 8:44 pm

     

    Okay, the time thing applies to gardening also…but to buy the same quality of food that you can grow at home…that can get expensive also.

    I haven’t sewn a whole lot of things for my girls, they’ve each had special blankets, nightgowns, and skirts…simple things for the most part, because like Anna, I really don’t enjoy sewing that much. Mostly because it takes over my kitchen table, and if you’ve been reading my blog, I really don’t like a cluttered kitchen table! Ha. Maybe if I had a sewing room~! But, I digress. My girls adore the few things I have made them. To the point of making me feel guilty that I don’t sew for them more often!

    There’s always the dollar table (fabric) at Wal-mart if you’re looking for bargains. (and if anyone shops there anymore!) :O(

  • MInTheGap says on: October 6, 2006 at 8:29 am

     

    I guess, in a way, it all boils down to where you invest your time. Certainly, if you’re willing to put in more time you’ll get a better product for most things. I’m not quite sure how big a deal it would be to make a men’s button down shirt, for instance, but it seems to me that would be a big project to get it to the level of detail that a machine can do quickly.

    Plus, it’s hard to make clothes when youi’re still getting hand-me-downs! I agree, though, that if you have the ability and desire, you should explore it!

  • DLOGAN says on: October 10, 2006 at 11:07 pm

     

    *Switching back the topic to the whole sexual society thing*

    If we take a look at civilizations from a completely historical view, homosexuality and other immoral sexuality has tended to increase in the time before the societies collapse. The only clear one I can remember is Rome (and of course Sodom and Gommorah), but the article I read awhile back listed at least another 3-4 more. I’ll see if I can’t dig this up again. It certainly is interesting 😉

  • MInTheGap says on: October 11, 2006 at 8:19 am

     

    I’ve spoken before (though I’m having a hard time finding it) that the Romans 1 passage looks like a progression to me– we start with denying God and we end with sexaul perversion and death. It’s scary.

    I would add Noah’s civilization to the list of those that died after going this way.

  • teen with a cause says on: February 23, 2007 at 5:26 pm

     

    clothes liek this are expressive. adults will never get it. teach ur children the right way to behave wit hthe opposite zex adn they’ll b fine. dont blame society for ur inability to raise ur children.

  • Loc says on: February 23, 2007 at 10:23 pm

     

    (If this ends up double posting I’m sorry)
    I must say something about Mary’s prediction. You do realize that modesty is decided by society? To prove my point do this little exercise. Think of a woman wearing what you would consider reasonably modest. Now transport her to Iraq or Afghanistan or some other Middle Eastern country. Would that woman still be considered modest? How about we take a trip back in time to the medieval ages, is that woman still modest? How about in Jesus’ time, is she still modest? Point of this is, modesty is determined by society.
    Now to go to the next point to go against Mary’s prediction, I can’t think of any easy brain activities to prove this point, but society generally considers modest what is worn by the parent generation of the current teenage generation. Not directly related to clothes but think about Elvis he is generally considered the King and most parents would die to have their kids listen to him, but when he was actually around parents were throwing hissy fits about how his hips shake. Same goes for clothing.
    Summary Mary’s prediction will not come true because modesty is determined by society and society will always say the clothing that the parents wear is modest (even if it was considered immodest at the time it was designed).

  • Kaitsurinu says on: February 23, 2007 at 10:45 pm

     

    This is coming from an actual teenaged girl.

    First of all, yes, a little modesty is very important. Walking around in jeans that you can’t breathe in, and shirts that are tighter then medevil corsets is ridiculious. But this is what our peer group is being shown everywhere, in order to find love and happiness, this is what you need. Stupid? Incredibly.
    But wearing something that suggests a pleasent figure is natural and healthy. To hide your body as though you were ashamed of it under excessive clothes, specially made from home shows that you are uncomfortable and embarressed to be in your own body, which is something to pitied.

    Personally, I find I have a little extra confidence when I’m wearing my favorite jeans and a tee-shirt that isn’t quite tight enough to remove the need for imagination. It gives you a feeling of ‘Yes, I look good and I’m not at all afraid to show it off.’ That confidence is important, esspecially to us teenaged girls.

    Also, your kids, I don’t care who they are, what kind of upbringing they’ve had (I’m homeschooled. I have almost exculsively homeschooled friends, and so do they) your kids will find out about sex, and will talk, think, fantasize, ect. about sex. Hopefully, if you’ve shown them that you are willing to have an open mind and understanding view on it they will ask you what they need to know.
    Unfortunately, most kids don’t have this luxury, and from what I’ve seen on here I’d doubt most of your kids don’t have the freedom it would require to share something so painfully intimate as sexual relations.
    It’s a hard thing to talk about.
    But you need to decide if you’re so set against it that you’ll sew clothes only to hide their sexuality from themselves, or if you’re open enough to discuss it.

  • MInTheGap says on: February 25, 2007 at 1:45 pm

     

    teen with a cause, the problem is that society is a “superpeer” (in terms of peer pressure) and although the parent can teach a child right and wrong (and it is a big responsibility on their part, don’t get me wrong), the parent either must isolate the child from that influence (a difficult thing to do) or spend all of their time trying to instruct the child why their friends are wrong (an even harder thing to do).

    Loc, I think you have some good reasoning, but I also think there is a flaw. I think that the premise you have is right (and does not just apply to clothes) in that I think that the current parents look in both generational directions and decide that their parents were too conservative and their children too liberal. Since we live in a society that glorifies self, it’s fine for the current generation to like to “look at beautiful women” but don’t let my girl be one.

    There is obviously a standard for modesty that transcends time– mainly, something that covers sexual organs and leaves “something to the imagination.” Obviously there is a societal component of that, but by your logic, you can progress to a point where wearing no clothes is modest, and that would be ludicrous. Simply put, society is continuing to push the envelope. They are continuing to see what they can get away with. This is what has made people have the opinion that such and such is good, and such is too far, and why the standards have drifted. I won’t go into the frog and the pot illustration, but society is hardly innocent.

    Kaitsurinu, you obviously understand what we’re talking about. You know there’s a line, the question is, how close to that line should a person get. You seem to choose to live closer to the line than I would like my children to, but the task for you is to not fall over it.

    I’m not saying that we all should wear burqas, or anything like that– what I am saying is that it’s not enough for us to just think of ourselves– we have to think of others.

  • Deborah says on: February 26, 2007 at 4:15 pm

     

    Thankfully, God has given us all free volition to choose what we want to do. I choose to live my life according to God’s Word. Now, there are varying degrees of the way we humans apply it.

    First of all, why do we care what society thinks? Why do we let our peers, magazines, t.v. dictate what we should or should not do? As for me, even when I was a teenager, I knew I had a brain and I wanted to use it and not just be led around. I thought I was smarter than that. Just because society says something, it is not necessarily true.

    So again, I choose to use God’s Word as my guidebook and I’ve trained my children to do the same. I home school my children but they have been in public school too. They didn’t have to dress the same as everyone else, act the same to express themselves. My daughters did not have to belittle themselves to draw attention.

    Kaitsurinu…why do you think that if you sew your own clothes you have to look frumpy or where a bag? How do you think the top designers make their clothes? I sew, and the clothes I make are very ‘in fashion’. I’ve been asked to sew for others because you can be modest and ‘in style’. Just because I am a Christian doesn’t mean that I can’t play up the attibutes God has given me. The Bible mentions many people that were considered very attractive…David, Sarah just to name a couple.

    For the intimacy part…why do young woman want to advertise their wares? Why would any woman want a man to desire her only for her body and not want her mind too? If you advertise, that’s all that’s seen. And I’m not talking about dressing attractively. I’m talking about dressing suggestively…there is a HUGE difference. I have two teen age daughters. I talk very openly with them about sex…that is my job as their mother. There is no topic we have not discussed and they are very comfortable talking to me about it. This is the out-let God has given them until they are married. This is the protection God has given them until they are married. When they are married, the sky is the limit. God designed sex and He made it enjoyable for a MARRIED couple. Ever read Song of Solomon? There is nothing wrong with doing certain things and dressing a certain way for your husband…but wait for that and keep it to that.

  • Kaitsurinu says on: February 26, 2007 at 9:12 pm

     

    Deborah,

    I never suggested that a girl should use her body to get a guy. That’s a low thing to do and I would never encourage it.

    But let’s face the truth, if you walk into a room and see two young women; One is wearing make-up and a flattering outfit that suggests a healthy figure, and the other is wearing a homemade outfit (and, yes, most of the teenaged world can tell the difference) which stands out (something very few girls want), and perhaps she feels a little self-consious about it, making her slouch and not interactive.
    Who are you going to talk to first?

    I, personally, would want to go the girl who looks like she’s having fun and interacting with the other people.

    And I must ask, how can you make clothes that are ‘in fashion’ if you believe that current fashion isn’t modest?

  • Deborah says on: February 26, 2007 at 9:41 pm

     

    I don’t think I said that ALL current fashion is immodest. I think both my daughters dress very ‘in fashion’ but modestly. Yes, there are stores, catalogs, etc. that sell modest clothes.

    I do understand that teenagers use clothing as a way to express themselves. I used to be one! Even as an adult I dress a certain way for certain functions to portray myself in an appropriate manner. But, there is appropriate clothing for everything you do. My opinion is that some things should never be worn in public because they are not appropriate. Please refer back to minthegap’s last comment, starting with the third paragraph. He says it very well there. I’ve enjoyed ‘talking’ with you, Kaitsurinu.

  • matt6:33 says on: February 26, 2007 at 10:40 pm

     

    There’s nothing wrong with dressing in style and appropriately…you don’t have to look frumpy. You can even dress attractively. But when there’s a point where a line must be drawn…like when areas are exposed or draw people’s eyes to them. This usually occurs when something’s extremely tight, low, or has words. I’m not saying you can’t wear a shirt with writing on it…but WHERE is that writing and WHAT is it suggesting? Especially those shirts that have a DOUBLE meaning! Even if it’s a “cute” saying, what is that suggesting to the opposite sex? That you’re just comfortable with your body and that you like to wear clothes that show it? Possibly, but I don’t really think so. I think it’s a little bit on the “come and get me” side. Guys and girls think that way. But I’m NOT saying you have to dress in baggy clothes! Modesty should be the key…and sure, culture does define it…but if that’s the case, is it going to be okay to one day wear no clothes at all?

  • Loc says on: February 27, 2007 at 11:25 am

     

    Why does everyone seem so against the eventualty of not wearing clothes? In the garden of Eden when we were the closest to God we did not wear clothes. It was not untill we ate the fruit that we wore clothing. In a way it seems clothing is tied to sin. I would think as born again christian we would strive for a society that was not tied down by something so closley tied to sin. The only arguement I have seen for clothing is the call for modesty by God, but that is easly remedied by going somewhere were it is considered acceptably modest to go without clothing (think nudist colony) or to simply influence society (not by laws but by fashion) to move in the direction of no clothing being modest.

  • MInTheGap says on: February 27, 2007 at 12:09 pm

     

    Clothes were necessitated by the fact that sin brought shame. There was nothing wrong with being naked when there was no sin, but with the introduction of sin (lust of the flesh, lust of the eyes and pride of life) we needed something to stand in the way of that sin and it was God that crafted the first real clothing. Adam and Eve fashioned aprons from fig leaves (first instance of camouflage?) and God made them clothes out of sheep.

    In any case, even if you were able to prove that nudists were somehow closer to God– or that there is less sexual temptation there than in a clothed environment, you could not convince me that it would work on a large scale.

  • Kaitsurinu says on: February 27, 2007 at 9:48 pm

     

    Lust, (like many of the other sins) are human nature. It’s inescapable. Being such, a nudist society to solve a modesty problem is ridiculous.

    At one point we all run around the backyard in our underwear, and take off our diapers at..inconvient times. But as we mature and become aware of our surroundings we realize that clothes are important. The need to wear clothes comes with age and an imprinted sense of modesty, not nessicerily society.
    As we get older, still, our style changes and through the generations people tend to stay in not quite but almost the same styles for their age groups.

    Deborah, could you be more specific as to what you consider stylish? I’m not entirely clear on that.

  • Deborah says on: February 27, 2007 at 11:51 pm

     

    For my teen-age daughters that would be a wide range of clothing. No, they do not wear dresses or skirts only, although my oldest daughter is at Bible college now and they do require she dress that way for class. Both of my daughters wear jeans, flared usually because that is what is ‘in style’ right now. But jeans are not appropriate for everything they do. They also wear slacks, right now fitting lower on their waists because that is ‘in style’ at this time. They both wear a lot of the pretty blouses that are ‘in style’, right now. They have jean jackets and cargo jackets that they wear. For church they always wear a dress or skirt. My second oldest loves the suits that are ‘in style’ and she wears these with high-heeled shoes or boots. But, the main point is that nothing is ever too tight, and skin is covered modestly. I think young women can look very attractive and classy without looking frumpy or like a prostitute to say it bluntly.

    I use the term ‘in style’ because this changes so frequently. The young women today are wearing pants with boots over them the same as I did back in the late ’70’s! I’ve tried to impress upon my daughters to build a wardrobe of basics that can stand the test of time and then add a few ‘fadish’ items that won’t.

    Does that answer your question?

  • Mary says on: March 5, 2007 at 10:40 pm

     

    Lots of great comments here…funny, I made the ‘comment in question’ off-handedly, but I can really see it happening (having to sew clothes in order to have anything modest). As long as Christians strive to follow God’s word, there will be a “modest remnant” no matter what society mandates as acceptable. And yes, modesty to Amish people and modesty to myself are two different things, so I see what some of you were saying about perspective. That’s why it’s SO important that we let God color our perspective and not this world! ( In the world but not OF the world… )

    Just 10-13 years ago I was in the same camp as you, Kaitsurinu…in fact, you’re probably more modest than I was. I felt the peer pressure at public high school (and I’d been homeschooled or private schooled all my life before my junior year), wouldn’t have been caught dead in “home-made” clothes…wore skin-tight wranglers even into my first year of marriage b/c my hubby liked them on me! (Good enough, right!?) I’m so glad for that humiliating perspective of having been there done that…I’m sure many older women wanted to take me aside and lecture me, but I had to be convicted on my own. And me a life-long preacher’s daughter! Anyway, it’s made me a lot less judgmental and more sympathetic to other women who may not share my now differing standards of modesty.

    I know the power and lure of the world b/c I gave into it. I applaud you, Kaitsurinu, for honestly exploring this issue. I never did beyond face value, sad to say…at least not in my teenage years. Part of my baggage were my two very glam older sisters and all their fabulous experiences as Homecoming queens, etc. I also never felt I could broach the subject of anything as touchy as “boy-girl relationships” with my parents w/o receiving a huge lecture, so I didn’t! That fact alone has made me determined to have an open approachability with my own daughters (I have three under the age of 10). We talk about everything, not yet about sex, but we will, I already have some great plans/books/ideas when the timing is right.

    I understand where you’re coming from, K…I also can tell you that Deborah and I are friends in real life and she’s exactly as she comes across. Her suits and dresses are professional quality…so don’t picture gathered calico skirts and puckered hems when you read “home sewn” in regards to Deborah’s stuff! I’m always admiring her daughter’s latest jackets, or how graceful they look in the clothes they choose to wear.

    It’s important to feel good about yourself, and clothing is a real part of our identity. It also can be a real downfall to our Christian friends. I love the little book by Dannah Gresh titled “Secret Keeper, The Delicate Power of Modesty“. Another good one, for an eye-opening shock at how the way we dress affects men, is “Created to Be His Helpmeet” by Debi Pearl. I wish I’d read something like it as a teenager. Yikes, what I never knew!

    Anyhow…this has been a great comment thread, glad I meandered over and got in on it!

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  • MYEP says on: May 9, 2007 at 10:01 am

     

    i understand where you would be coming from a girl who is 13 and sexually active is appauling… but me being a 16 year old girl, can relate to some of the girls in my age group. You say that what we wear is disgusting, yes i do admit some girls go over bored with their sex appeal but we are only experimenting as adulesence. We do see sex as a very special thing that should only be experianced with the person you love even if the only reason you love them is because of hormones. But that doesnt mean we arent aloud to have fun.. why should sex be such a shameful thing we are becoming in touch with who we are and comfortable with our body’s.
    The only thing i see thats wrong is boys takeing advantage of girls. Drug and alcohol abuse and rape. Its terrible to think that the outside world really has people like that

  • MInTheGap says on: May 9, 2007 at 1:17 pm

     

    As I said in the post, sex used to be something special, and now (because of ads, sex ed, etc) it’s something that’s plastered in our face. Why is it bad for a 16 year old to want sex appeal? Because sex has a lot of things that come with it–

    Emotional: Men and Women have different reactions to sex. You may say that you’ll save it for someone you love, even if it’s just hormones, but the guys are not necessarily looking for that as much as pleasure. Sex takes a relationship to a level that makes things confused emotionally. Let alone, if you or the guy has multiple partners.

    Physical: Sex carries with it its own set of diseases that can only be caught through it. The contraception people don’t emphasize this, but a lot of the STDs that are out there cannot be prevented simply by using a barrier or other kind of birth control. Birth Control itself does things to your bodies (some appear good, others not so good) and can effect your body.

    Pregnancy: Pregnancy is not a good idea outside of marriage. Far from recommending an abortion (I would recommend adoption), having a child when you’re not in a married relationship presents the child a less than ideal family structure for development.

    Relationship: Those who cohabitate before they get married are at a higher risk of divorce than those that do not. And let’s not get into the fact that those that are “sexually experienced” have to deal with comparison issues, etc.

    All in all, sex is not something to be treated lightly, to be encouraged, or to be flirted with. We live in a sexually charged environment, and adding to it is not the way to remain pure.

  • DLOGAN says on: May 9, 2007 at 9:04 pm

     

    Kaitsurinu,

    “But let’s face the truth, if you walk into a room and see two young women; One is wearing make-up and a flattering outfit that suggests a healthy figure, and the other is wearing a homemade outfit… Who are you going to talk to first?”

    It all depends on what you’re looking for. When I was a teenager I usually talked with the girl who was not into the latest styles. Was she more confident? Probably not. Was she more interesting to talk to? 95% of the time.

    “Lust, (like many of the other sins) are human nature. It’s inescapable. Being such, a nudist society to solve a modesty problem is ridiculous.” LOL

    MYEP

    “You say that what we wear is disgusting, yes i do admit some girls go over bored with their sex appeal but we are only experimenting as adolescence. We do see sex as a very special thing that should only be experienced with the person you love even if the only reason you love them is because of hormones.”

    As MinTheGap talked about, there are a lot of emotional ties to sex and especially the first person you have sex with. I’m sure with your friend’s you’ve probably seen those where the relationship is shot, but sex keeps them together. You’ve probably seen people keep getting back together with the person they lost their virginity to, even if it was not a healthy relationship. Those people you know who sleep around you’ve probably seen over time become less sensitive to it.

    While at first you might not think this is a big deal, someday you will find the person you want to marry. If you have made yourself insensitive to the emotional ties of sex your bond with your spouse will not be as deep. If you have lost your virginity to someone else, the physiological bond and the emotional ties of loyalty and attachment that comes with the first person you have sex with will not be there.

    These bonds are an important part of a marriage. It is the extra glue that makes it easier to stick it out when times get tough (and at some point they will get tough, despite all the fairy tales). The more people you are with regardless of how much you think you “love” them, the weaker these ties will be and the more you will have to overcome.

    I do not think anyone sits there and says “I want to get divorced when I get older”. Everyone wants to find that one person they can really spend forever with. I can not see any reason to jeopardize 20, 40, 80 years with someone for the sake of “experimenting” today. You’re not missing anything to wait and have sex. Should you choose to have sex before you are married you will be.

    With that said, Christ is big enough to restore all things. There is no reason why you can not be restored to your future spouse even if you falter. Yet, I would not ever suggest you do what is not right because you know you can be restored. It is much better to stay on the path.

MInTheGap

Standing in the Gap in a Society that's Warring with God.

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