Standing in the Gap in a Society that's Warring with God.

Powerful Women Yield Weak Men

August 28th, 2006 Visited 7945 times, 4 so far today

Father and SonWhat makes a man a man? I would propose that it is a complex mixture that includes who he has to be and what he has been trained that determines just who that man is. Unfortunately, both of these things have changed.

It used to be that the man was considered the primary breadwinner. He went out to do the work and bring home the money to provide for the family. He was the one that was supposed to know how to fix things that were broken. He was the person looked to for strength, support, and for teaching young boys to follow in his footsteps. He was the leader, the lover, the protector, and the friend. There are songs dedicated to “Daddy’s hand” being soft and gentle and yet tough as steel.

However, feminism has had an impact on this man. First, feminism took away the man’s requirement to provide. Women are now capable of holding a job– and getting perks that men cannot get. They get time off for having a baby with guarantee of having their job back after six weeks of absence. They get flexible hours or part time hours when men do not. They push for equal pay, through all of these things. They have placed restrictions on workplace conduct and talk. They push the envelope on what they can wear, and should a man have a problem with it– it’s his problem.

Women feel they can be self supportive. They can have Flexible Spending plans for daycare. They can have their children, their house, and their friends. They don’t need men– and don’t believe that men haven’t taken notice. Men know they don’t have to marry because they can get physical pleasure or companionship without the price of commitment.

Joe Callender, 47, a retired New York City corrections officer, has had four children with two different women he has lived with but not married, because (he says) he doubts his own capacity to be faithful. “Marriage, that’s sacred to me,” he says.

Tom Ryan is an electronic specialist who spent years touring with a rock band. He touts traumatic fears of divorce as a reason for his middle-aged celibacy. After living with a girlfriend for six years, and buying a house with her, he had to suddenly come up with the cash to buy out her share of the house after the breakup. His girlfriend, who had lived with him for six years, had wanted to get married and have children. He loved her, he says, but he “did not feel ready.” He still holds out that marriage and/or children is not “totally out of the question.” Mr. Ryan is 54 years old.

Two WomenI believe the saying goes: Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? Men don’t need to marry, and they don’t feel that they have to support a wife and children because women are constantly saying that they don’t need the men.

Women first got into the workforce when the men were overseas, and they didn’t want to leave. They believed that they could have it all: work, family, children, etc. and what they’re now realizing is that they may try to have it all, but some feel unfulfilled.

Second, men are also being trained that women are peers and equals– marriage being a 50-50 partnership. The Bible says that God made the man to be the leader of the home, and the wife to submit to his authority. In our current culture, in order to achieve equality, women are being forced to be educated in things that do not benefit the marriage (in fact they can even work against the marriage) by people that say they care for them the most– their parents.

I have seen many parents use the excuse “well if you don’t get married…” or “if he leaves you/dies…” then you have to have a college education. And this college education isn’t in things that would build the marriage– like how to be a good wife/mother/etc. It’s how to have a business. It’s toward a profession. I once asked a friend of mine in college what she would do if her husband wanted her to not work, homeschool or something. And she said that she’d be willing to follow his lead. I remarked something about spending eight semesters getting a degree she wouldn’t necessarily need.

Office Arm WrestleJust this past week, an article on advised men to stay away from the professional woman. You get a flavor of it with how it begins:

A word of advice. Marry pretty women or ugly ones. Short ones or tall ones. Blondes or brunettes. Just, whatever you do, don’t marry a woman with a career.

Why? Because if many social scientists are to be believed, you run a higher risk of having a rocky marriage. While everyone knows that marriage can be stressful, recent studies have found professional women are more likely to get divorced, more likely to cheat, less likely to have children, and, if they do have kids, they are more likely to be unhappy about it. A recent study in Social Forces, a research journal, found that women–even those with a “feminist” outlook–are happier when their husband is the primary breadwinner.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I want weak women. What I want is complimentary couple that gets the most out of the differences that men and women have and serves God best. A family that can impact the world needs to have the members of it functioning the best way they can. They need a leader/provider husband that knows his roles and fills them. They need a loving/supportive wife that’s able to fill in his gaps and to compliment him. They need children that honor and obey their parents and are examples for those around them.

I just don’t think that our current cultural norms are accomplishing what is truly best.



  • Sum Yung Gai says on: September 16, 2006 at 6:02 pm


    Hello folks,

    Well, I’m one of those “nonbeliever” types that so many Christians like to attack (I don’t follow anybody’s religion). But I do have an opinion on male-female relationships.

    First, I agree that the family, and the male-female relationship generally, in the United States, has been deteriorating horribly for decades, and experience has taught me that feminism is the major contributing factor. I go to work and can actually feel the hostility against me simply for being born male and for not being willing to hide my masculinity. I hear such double-standards about “women are equal”, but I don’t hear the same call for “women are equally responsible”. At least that would be a consistent position, were they to do so. Since I work in education, I see the strong feminist influence in how our kids are taught every day, and I pity these poor kids.

    There has been more than one article in newspapers around the United States about how “guys aren’t asking us out like they used to.” One local newspaper (the Washington Post) had such an article not too long ago. Very shortly thereafter, that same paper had another article about how the sexuality of girls and women is not sharply defined by gender preference. The article was basically glorifying lesbianism and bisexuality in a way that said “we don’t need boys, boys suck”. Couple that with the “rape hysteria” that I see at colleges and even high schools that basically implies that all “males” are rapist threats, not to mention that false rape allegations (oh yes, they exist) are treated as “he’s guilty even after proven innocent.” Well, it’s no wonder guys aren’t asking them out like years ago! After decades of being told that I’m not wanted or needed by the American woman, I, too, got the message and stopped pursuing relationships with them.

    Thank goodness I lived in Europe for a few years! It was a real eye-opener; folks there seem to be much better balanced overall. Several years ago, I asked a German married couple, “aren’t men and women supposed to be equals?” Their answer: “Zey are of equal importance, but no, zey are not equals. Zey are complements.” That statement made so much sense to me the instant that I heard it, and I believe it to this day. Getting a date was never a problem for me in Europe, and women seemed to *want* to actually be feminine. I understand why more American men are looking at foreign women, and I don’t blame them one bit. I myself probably will end up marrying a foreigner.

    To those of you ladies of the United States–of any religious choice–who respect men, I salute you. I wish more were like you.

  • Loc says on: November 6, 2006 at 6:39 pm


    Why must women marry? I understand that in the bible it states once they are married they are supposed to submit to their husbands, but why can’t a woman go out on her own with God as her guide and never marry? Why is the only option you are giving her is to find a man and bear his children?

  • MInTheGap says on: November 6, 2006 at 9:33 pm


    I don’t know that we’ve argued that a woman must get married. I know that Meg said that she believed that if a woman did not get married than she was still under the headship of her father. I would argue that, to some extent, as long as the children are in their parents’ house they are under the parents’ authority– and I would think it would be interesting to have a discussion about just where a child’s allegiance must be placed if not just in God.

    Personally, I’m not totally in the camp that a woman living apart from her family has a responsibility of her parents, but I can see that point of view.

  • Jen says on: February 17, 2007 at 3:20 am


    I stumbled across this post, and had some comments on this topic of women working, getting married, etc.

    I see that most articles and posts on Christian singleness assume that singles are purposely delaying marriage and avoiding its responsibilities. This is simply untrue for many, many singles who love the Lord.

    Please remember that Paul completely allowed for singleness within Christ’s church and said that those who chose singleness are able to devote their lives fully to the Lord without having to be concerned about how to please a husband. That is Scripture! The OT law also gave both men and women the opportunity to take the Nazarite vow to serve the Lord without spouse or children. If the Lord says this is acceptable and good, who can rightly say otherwise?

    Also please remember that not everyone has been ASKED to marry someone! I myself am a 35-yr-old woman who has never been asked by a CHRISTIAN man for marriage. The Lord has not seen fit to marry me to anyone yet – although I have given my life to Him for whatever He chooses. I have had this before Him for quite some time now, and He has chosen to put me in a circumstance that is completely opposite! He has put me in a job where I do make a very good salary and where I am the only female. I do not love my job (I am ready to leave this salary and job the minute He directs me elsewhere!) But this is where He has me at the moment. This is where I have to lean only on Him to love me and sustain me.

    The comments that say women have usurped the male world of career are contrary to what I see daily at work. It is still a man’s world out there. Women in my industry make on average $20,000 less per year for the same job. They are still treated with less respect and still suffer sexual harrassment.

    I would just ask that my fellow lovers of Christ would view single Christian men and women with love and compassion – and realize that most of them deeply desire nothing more than to find a godly mate. We too are covered by the precious blood of Christ. And the Lord has His servants in many situations that we can not immediately understand.

    Many single Christians are deeply hurt by the isolation they feel in the church. They feel as if others think they are worthless if they are unmarried – which only intensifies their hurt that no has “chosen” them yet. What comfort we take that Christ has chosen us! What are they to do if they are female and single? Not work? That seems irresponsible. Not use the brains that God has given them for the specific task He has called them to and prepared them for (often through college education)?

    On another note, there are an awful lot of Christian men out there whose motives are the SAME as non-Christian men – sex without commitment. They just don’t come out and say it as bluntly as non-Christian men. I know many godly single women who have given up dating entirely for this reason.

    And finally, many of the posts here seem motivated by the desire to do what men want (“Men are looking for women who…”, etc.) As I see it, our goal as women should not be to become what men want, but what the Lord wants. If that is our goal, then a godly man will be blessed by us.

    May the Lord be glorified in us, His people!


Standing in the Gap in a Society that's Warring with God.

%d bloggers like this: